I know you are hinting for people to stay away but a lot of what you say is actually true.
Not a lot of ugly women tho.
I forgot to mention the terrible wolf packs and infestation of rabid raccoons and possums that try to get into your house.
And the awful smells from the dairy, pig and chicken farms that permeates the air.
Oh, I forgot to also mention about the unpredictable flooding and the Brevard Fault which slices through the area. Just a matter of time before that thing goes off in an 8.0 Jolt that sends these mountains sliding into the Atlantic.