Children! I love them. Baked with gravy and mashed potatoes.
Go away kid, you bother me.
Prestidigitation!
Only Mae West could match him with short, one liners that left you laughing in the aisles.
“Is that a pistol in your pocket or are you just glad to see me”? to Cary Grant.
Mae West
Why don’t you come up sometime and see me?
Mary Jane West (August 17, 1893 – November 22, 1980) was an American actress and playwright, most commonly known as “Mae” West.
When I’m good, I’m very good. When I’m bad, I’m better.
When you got the personality, you don’t need the nudity.
Goodness had nothing to do with it, dearie.
Response to an exclamation, “Goodness! What lovely diamonds!” in Night After Night (1932). She later used Goodness had nothing to do with it as the title of her autobiography (1953).
Why don’t you come up sometime and see me? … Come on up, I’ll tell your fortune.
She Done Him Wrong (1933)
Beulah, Peel me a grape.
I’m No Angel (1933)
I only like two kinds of men, domestic and imported.
I’m No Angel (1933)
When I’m good, I’m very good. When I’m bad, I’m better.
I’m No Angel (1933)
I used to be Snow White, but I drifted.
Interview in Life magazine (18 April 1969)
It’s not the men in your life that matters, it’s the life in your men.
I’m No Angel (1933)
Between two evils, I generally like to pick the one I never tried before.
Klondike Annie (1936) Sometimes quoted as: “When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I’ve never tried before.”’
A man in the house is worth two in the street.
Belle of the Nineties
When women go wrong, men go right after them.
She Done Him Wrong
One and one is two; two and two is four; and “five will get you ten” if you work it right!
My Little Chickadee
I feel like a million tonight. But one at a time.
Myra Breckinridge
To a young actor: How tall are you without your horse? Six foot, seven inches. Never mind the six feet. Let’s talk about the seven inches!
Myra Breckinridge
I’m the kinda girl who works for Paramount by day, and Fox all night
Sextette
To her British lover about to climb in bed with 80-something Mae: She said that she hoped soon to be able to say what Paul Revere said — ‘The British are coming’. This was the last one-liner Mae ever uttered on film.
Sextette
Is that a gun in your pocket, or are you just glad to see me?
Sextette[1][2]
When you got the personality, you don’t need the nudity.
Quoted in “For Women, Monologues They Haven’t Heard” by Susan Pomerance, Dramaline Publications (1985)
Marriage is a fine institution, but I’m not ready for an institution.
#149 in The 2,548 Best Things Anybody Ever Said (2006) by Robert Byrne
Give a man a free hand and he’ll run it all over you.
#684 in The 2,548 Best Things Anybody Ever Said (2006) by Robert Byrne
I’ve been in more laps than a napkin.
#685 in The 2,548 Best Things Anybody Ever Said (2006) by Robert Byrne
She’s the kind of girl who climbed the ladder of success wrong by wrong.
#832 in The 2,548 Best Things Anybody Ever Said (2006) by Robert Byrne
I’ve always had a weakness for foreign affairs.
Person-to-Person interview (CBS) with Charles Collingwood, September 1959