"Congress, backed by the United Labor Alliance, has declared Barack Obama President-for-Life. Spontaneous demonstrations of joy broke out all over America.
"The inability of the House of Representatives to break the deadlock in the Electoral College from last fall's five-way election prompted Congress and the President to agree to a new paradigm for governance. United Nations troops stand at the ready to enforce this decision in the face of resistance from supporters of the old Constitution, which was annulled last night at midnight. US armed forces have been confined to barracks and ordered to stack arms. The rumors of mutinies in the military are just that -- rumors. No patriotic American can believe otherwise.
"We the Mainstream Media stand united in support of Dear Leader Obama -- peace be upon him -- and our national government. Long live the Revolution!"
A pox on your house!