If the caller is a female I ask them personal questions about their breasts. Males I ask them how long have they been gay. I usually get a hangup. Remember, they intruded upon me, not the other way around.
People I want to talk to leave a message. Others don't.
Being a registered Republican in NH during an election year means the phone never stops ringing. Last week I spent the day at home and never answered the phone. It rang 12 times and no one left a message.
Oh yeah, don't ever, ever give your phone number to Wayne Lapierre.
If they call and ask for me by name I respond: This is Sgt. Friday of the police department. Did you know the murder victim?
I'd add for the men:
1. Have you stopped beating your wife yet?
2. Have you stopped beating your girlfriend yet? (if not married)
3. Did your mother breastfeed you until you were 10 or something?
4. The other kids picked on you a lot didn't they?
5. Tell me, what kind of college degree does it take to do your job?
6. Were you sexually molested by an uncle or something? 7. How do you keep your 1974 Ford Pinto hatchback running on your salary?
8. What lies do you tell girls at McDonalds when trying to pick them up?
9. How is it someone like you on the sex offenders list can be a telemarketer? 10. Do you know Laz?
For women telemarketers:
1. When's the last time you did a breast self exam?
2. Did it feel good?
3. Doesn't your boyfriend/husband check for you?
4. So, what's it feel like to be 4'3", 300 pounds and no sex life anyway?
5. When's the last time you took a shower because I can smell you from here.
6. Someone wasn't popular with the other girls now were they?
7. Maybe the convent would've been a better choice for you?
8. Your parents didn't love you did they?
9. Have you procreated? Please tell me you haven't!
10. Do you know Laz?