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I always loved the Bill Engvall routine:

I was at the gym the other day working out with my buddy. My buddy Joey. And he goes, “Hey, man, I’m getting a divorce.”

I said “Wow, that sucks. Can you spot me?”

That was our whole conversation!

So then I go home to my wife, and I say, “Hey, Joey’s getting a divorce.”

She goes, “Oh, my God! What happened?”

“I dunno.”

“What do you mean, you don’t know? Is she cheating on him, is he cheating on her?”

“Again– I’m not holding anything back here– I don’t know!”

She goes, “Bill, someone tells you they’re getting a divorce and you don’t ask any questions?”

And I go, “Well, that’s because he didn’t ask me a question! He didn’t say, ‘Hey, Bill, what do you think about me getting a divorce?’, he said, ‘I’m getting a divorce’, which said to me, ‘I require no further input on your part.’ If he had said, ‘What do you think about me getting a divorce?’, I’d have said, ‘Well, you’re gonna be dating again, so you should work on your abs.’”