 We cannot exist without you. |
Posted on 08/06/2015 4:16:53 PM PDT by rickmichaels
Yes, a well reasoned smack on the ass...
Yeah...reasoning is ok after the storm subsides but there’s NOTHING like good ol’ fashioned negative reinforcement to leave a lasting impression (pun intended).
A look is all it takes. They know there’s something tangible behind that look.
There were two levels of that with my father, both dire, and the latter dreadful:
"What did you say to your mother?"
and...
"What did you say to my wife?"
Both were a matter for corporal punishment... But the latter was hell to pay.
Winner!
I expected my kids to not act up. I expected them to behave.
They knew there were consequences.
Teach kids early that there WILL be consequences.
When out in public engage them in whatever you are doing.
Raise expectations and be consistent.
I rarely have to spank my kids. Like maybe a couple times in the last year. They obey because they know I will spank them.
I didn’t have this skill set with my kids but learned it in time to use it on my granddaughter - she lived with us as a toddler. Holding time out. Gently but firmly holding her keeping her arms and legs secure and not moving. She started out screaming. I ignored it. I looked in her eyes, talked a bit to her. After a while she would burn out - you can’t keep the intensity up forever. I would ask her whether she was okay and ready once she quit kicking and screaming. She would say, “yes.” Then we were okay. Occasionally she would be hyper and I would ask her, “Do you need me to hold you?” It wasn’t a threat and once or twice she actually took me up on it.
I agree with your approach. There are places and times where children should not be taken. Saw a couple in the store last night at 9 p.m. with four kids who were just destroying everything. IMO one of them should have stayed home with the kids and the other one done the shopping by themselves. Win-win for everybody.
Kids throwing a tantrum at home? That’s why they make ear plugs. Oldest grandson had a real sassy mouth. After a couple of times of having his mouth washed out with soap, he learned to zip his lip!
We cannot exist without you. |
I used the “reasoning approach” With my Chinese Lady friend;s daughter. It always worked! But she’s an exceptional human! College at 16, with a double major in Chemistry and Bio-mecanical Engineering. Just had to show her the truth, and she’s come right around!
When a child is throwing a tantrum, reasoning with the little blighter may be the last thing on a parent’s mind.
You gotta think of it like breaking a horse. That thing in his mouth is not a toy...it’s something that is painful if he does not do what he is supposed to do.
The same thing applies with a real good “ass whupin!”
Children back in my day were normally well behaved...not like the little urchins I see in the store every day and from the homes where either dad has been physiologically castrated or isn’t there at all.
Children are grown now and are quite outstanding individuals. they have been out of the house for 20 years. Raised our children in the late 60s in to the 80’s. I have been very interested in they ways discipline has changed over the years. I think a lot of parents are to lax these days.
Same here. For preteen and young teenage boys, at least, fear of sudden, painful, violent death works wonders for behavioral training.
When my five siblings and I were growing up in the fifties and sixties, we learned at a very early age that crying, whining, and throwing a fit would result in a severely warmed rear end rather than getting what we wanted. So we didn't do it. None of us ended up in prison, and we all did well financially. I guess that was just a miracle. /s
It’s the four-year-old that LINDSEY looks like.
Seriously, you sometimes have to WAIT before “reasoning it out.” I’ve let my just-turned-three-year-old scream a good five minutes about how he didn’t want to do something. Then, when he’s done, talk about it with him. Nine times out of ten, he then willingly goes along with what I want of him. I’ll admit that the tenth time, he’s convinced me. (Stuff like I’m trying to put him to bed when I promised him he could do something before going to bed and forgot about it.) Maybe a little more often than that. And when he knows that “reasoning” doesn’t simply mean, “do it my way or else,” he’s become much more likely to try to talk to me before blowing a gasket.
Biblically, teaching is a perfectly legitimate method of instilling discipline. The bible compares new disciples to children. Yet they were taught, not beaten. Simply never forget that you are the teacher, and they are the pupil, and they MUST do what you decide they must do.
I still contend that whippings are the most effective means of punishment. Look at all the great men and women throughout history whose parents loved them enough to discipline with love.
I probably have a few years on you - first one born in 1962, next one in 1963 so they were in college by the time we were 40 and we had lots of time to work on our own goals, aspirations and accumulating wealth. IMO people wait too long to have babies now. Seems like it was a lot easier when were young, poor, had lots of energy, kids were expected to mind, and mother and father had separate defined roles within the family structure.
Not sure how we were able to manage without all the nanny government rules but I do think we were generally more mature, street smart and had more common sense than most 18 and 19 year olds today. So maybe it is best that they wait a while before having children.
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