Yep, family and jobs are currently the ties that bind us here. As those change in the next few years, we will likely hit the tipping point.
I’m passing along a suggestion from my elder-wisers here.
Take the money and energy you’ve reserved for the home addition and put it elsewhere. Big vacation, or an rv, or a car or whatever. If you have some nestbuilding instincts that are not fulfilled, then just use the money to buy a fixer-upper somewhere, a vacation home perhaps, and work out your instincts that way. Overfixing your own place will always end with a should’ve-done anyway.
Besides, if you find a fixer in a friendlier state, you’ll have someplace to go when you’re finally fed up with CA.
All the best to you.