What sets us apart, I believe, is that we never made it too comfortable for our children at home. Rules and curfews had to be obeyed. Participation in chores was mandatory (yard and home). Only one TV is allowed in the house, in the common room. No video game systems ever. Not that our home was ever unpleasant for them but most young people would find it rather boring and constrictive.
When they became adults and got out of school, we charged rent. Not just a token rent either. What they didn't know at the time was that my wife and I put that rent in a separate account to use for them in case they ever needed money (such as repairs on a car or security deposit on an apartment).
So even the few times they did come to us for money, we simply took it from the money they already paid us for rent.
They love their apartments because they can have television and video games wherever they want it, stay out as late as the want and not have to pick up after themselves. They would only move back in with us as a last resort. But we get along just fine and when they come to visit us, we treat them like kings.
I think parents in general make it too comfortable for their adult children to live at home. Why would they ever move out?
I would generally agree with you but my daughter and grandson moved in with me for about five years. Then my daughter was killed in an auto accident. During those five years we became best friends and, although there were some trying times and some adjusting by everyone, I wouldn’t trade that time with her for anything else on earth. Really look forward to seeing her in heaven again in a few years.
My husband had given our son a “launch date”, and at that time he would have needed to be out. He beat us on the date, moved out about a semester before he had earned his Graduate degree. Our deal was, while he was in university, even through his Master’s, he could live at home for free. All his expenses he had to pay. We had never been responsible for any of his school tuition as he was on different programs and never had a tuition bill: Dual Credit for AA, no cost tuition through state merit scholarship fund for Bachelors, and was hired as a TA for grad school...the University paid tuition and small stipend.
When I hear these things, I wonder if our area is different, maybe due to cheaper housing, but our son and DIL own their own home, and many of their married friends who are their age (24-27) own their own home, or are looking to buy.
But the “group of friends” in my son and DIL’s lives have never been a reflection of the millennial stats. Most married young, bought houses early, or at least moved into apartments, have good jobs and very little debt. Many of them have or are having kids (right now they have 30 friends and acquaintances who are expecting either baby 1 or baby 2.) That’s a lot of pregnant women :)
You sound like a great parent. Do your kids live alone, or do they have roommates? Around where I am (LA) the rents are so outrageous, young people can’t afford to move out unless they get at least one roommate.