Actually Josephus is where I got the idea that Titus didn’t want the Temple destroyed. This is from the Josephus that you linked to:
“As they drew closer to the Temple, they pretended not even to hear Caesar’s orders, but urged the men in front to throw in more firebrands.”
“When Caesar failed to restrain the fury of his frenzied soldiers, and the fire could not be checked, he entered the building with his generals and looked at the holy place of the sanctuary”
“As the flames had not yet penetrated to the inner sanctum, but were consuming the chambers that surrounded the sanctuary, Titus assumed correctly that there was still time to save the structure; he ran out and by personal appeals he endeavored to persuade his men to put out the fire, instructing Liberalius, a centurion of his bodyguard of lancers, to club any of the men who disobeyed his orders. But their respect for Caesar and their fear of the centurion’s staff who was trying to check them were overpowered by their rage, their detestation of the Jews, and an utterly uncontrolled lust for battle. “
Josephus was a collaborator, and wrote for a non-Jewish audience; he wanted more understanding of his own people, but didn’t want to piss off anyone. The goal was always to level the place. In past attacks on the Temple, pagans would drag in images of their marble deities, defiling it.
The Romans would have cut more ice had they actually tried to befriend the Jews, but by and large the Romans didn’t work that way. When newly in an area, the Romans would make alliances and impose very modest tribute; none of that would last very long, usually.
The Iceni revolt in Britain, which has been romanticized and glorified into something it was not, led to the annihilation of the Iceni; the Arminius (”Herman”) revolt in Germania led to the eventual killing of Arminius by members of his own tribe (probably members of his own family) who were paid by the Romans to do just that. And the Varian Disaster wasn’t “The Battle That Stopped Rome”.