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I live here in North Texas on a small rural piece of property I call Agony Acres. My spring garden is a disaster. My raised beds are underwater and the fire ants, horse flies, and mosquitoes are everywhere and madder than hell. On the good side, the killer bees and crows have disappeared and must be hiding in drier areas. A morning walk (excuse me, wade) through the weeds (formerly a garden) has become a run for your life. Don’t come to Texas.

I have a 20 foot 4-inch diameter live oak tree that I transplanted in the side yard last Spring and tied down with steel cables and t-posts. That sucker has been blown out of the ground twice already within the month by high winds (they call’em straight line winds but they are just like tornadoes). My son and I are getting real good at replanting live oaks when we aren’t clearing the other downed trees on our property. On the good side, we are gettin’ pretty good with those chain saws and will have lots of firewood for next winter. Again, don’t come to Texas.

Our septic system has been over-loaded since the ground is completely saturated with the 22-inches of rain we have received this month. As mentioned previously, water is standing everywhere. It’s beginning to smell a bit like France sans the perfume. Again don’t come to Texas.

If you must come, wait until summer. By then, it will be much drier from the drought and 100-plus degree temperatures. The ground will be full of cracks and the grasshoppers will have cleared the garden of anything of value except the weeds and grass burrs. So we should be back to normal, at least here at Agony Acres.

And a few months ago, I was complaining about the never ending winter here in the Northeast. One good thing about these winters up here is that they kill every bug so that in April, they have to start all over again and never really get a foothold. But there are a few weeks where the deer flies and mosquitoes make it tough to be outdoors.