Eggzackly.
The South could have fairly easily had its independence simply by passing emancipation, even very gradual and compensated emancipation.
One of the very best southern generals, Cleburne, pointed this out. The shock and horror of the southern elite at anyone even saying such a thing is astonishing. Despite his being one of their best generals at a time when good generals were despertely needed, Cleburne's career ascent stalled after his proposal. He stayed in the same rank until he died in battle.
The reason the southern elite could not get their minds around the concept of trading emancipation for independence is that almost the whole reason they wanted to be independent was to protect slavery.
Independence without slavery was pointless, in their eyes.
There is some wisdom in what you are saying but it wasn’t that the South was so in love with slavery. Many Southerners including Lee were opposed to slavery.
The reason so many remained defiant is because any time someone from the outside demands that you do something and attack you, you become defensive.
The fact that the worst of the abolitionists were the same states which were heavily involved in the slave trade when it was economically beneficial didn’t help.
And the truth is most Southerners really did believe in local and states rights. They were extremely wary of a strong Federal government.