http://gizmodo.com/5938323/how-to-be-a-genius-this-is-apples-secret-employee-training-manual
A - Approach customers with a personalized, warm welcome.
P - Probe politely to understand all the customer's needs.
P - Present a solution for the customer to take home today.
L - Listen for and resolve any issues or concerns.
E - End with a fond farewell and an invitation to return.
Windows tech supporters have a system too...
W - Welcome the victim in Swahili or broken engrish.
I - Insist they provide a 40 digit Real Windows registration number before helping them - do this in broken engrish.
N - Never admit the Windows operating system is at fault or flawed.
D - Don't sympathize ever - it's their problem.
O - Offer to change the registry. Do this in a way that can solve one problem while creating at least two problems.
W - Waiting: put them on hold while you go out for lunch, read magazines, talk about the game with your fellow foreigners, etc.
S - Solution is always to REINSTALL Windows - after all, they haven't done it for more than 30 days! It's time! After that, they must reinstall all applications, Windows updates, virus definitions, drivers, etc. Another day shot.
... LOL ...