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To: GeronL

Too short.

You didn’t quite make the point you seemed to intend. A little more background, such as previous play activities that would drive home the strange nature of what “going outside to play” actually entailed, would have added to the sweet nature of the story.


6,231 posted on 06/03/2015 5:09:59 PM PDT by NicknamedBob (I could win the Lottery! It only slightly skews the odds against me somewhat that I don't play.)
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To: NicknamedBob

I was trying to make it a surprise at the end. It gave me an idea for a longer story though.


6,232 posted on 06/03/2015 5:38:23 PM PDT by GeronL (free short story: http://flscifi.blogspot.com/2015/05/free-short-story-proper-care-feeding-of.html)
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