In a church on Sunday morning a preacher said, “Anyone with ‘special needs’ who wants to be prayed over, please come forward to the front of the altar.”
With that, Leroy got in line and when it was his turn the Preacher asked, “Leroy, what do you want me to pray about for you?
Leroy replied, “Preacher, I need you to pray for help with my hearing.”
The preacher put one finger of one hand in Leroy’s ear, placed his other hand on top of Leroy’s head, and then prayed and prayed and the whole congregation joined in with much enthusiasm.
After a few minutes, the preacher removed his hands, stood back and asked, “Leroy how is your hearing now?”
Leroy answered, “I don’t know. It ain’t ‘til Thursday.”
I went on a date with a beautiful woman the other day. She raises bees and volunteers at the zoo. I think she is a keeper!
Mother: ‘Hello?’
Daughter: ‘Hi Mom. Can I leave the kids with you tonight?’
Mother: ‘You’re going out?’
Daughter: ‘Yes.’
Mother: ‘With whom?’
Daughter: ‘With a friend.’
Mother: ‘I don’t know why you left your husband. He is such a good man.’
Daughter: ‘MOM, I didn’t leave him. He left me!’
Mother: ‘You let him leave you, and now you go out with anybodies and nobodies.’
Daughter: ‘MA, I do not go out with anybody. Can I bring over the kids?’
Mother: ‘I never left you to go out with anybody except your father.’
Daughter: ‘There are lots of things that you did and I don’t.’
Mother: ‘What are you hinting at?
Daughter: ‘Nothing. I just want to know if I can bring the kids over tonight..’
Mother: ‘You’re going to stay the night with him? What will your husband say if he finds out?’
Daughter: ‘MA, its My EX husband. I don’t think he would be bothered. From the day he left me, he probably never slept alone!’
Mother: ‘So you’re going to sleep over at this loser’s place?’
Daughter: ‘MOM, He’s not a loser.’
Mother: ‘A man who goes out with a divorced woman with children is a loser and a parasite.’
Daughter: ‘MA, I don’t want to argue; should I bring over the kids or not?’
Mother: ‘Poor children with such a mother. ‘With no stability. No wonder your husband left you.’
Daughter: ‘ENOUGH MA!!!’
Mother: ‘Don’t scream at me. You probably scream at the loser too!’
Daughter: ‘Great MA, Now you’re worried about the loser?’
Mother: ‘Ah, so you see he is a loser and I spotted him immediately.’
Daughter: ‘Goodbye, mother.’
Mother: ‘Wait! Wait! Don’t hang up! When are you bringing them over? ‘
Daughter: ‘I’m not bringing them over! I’m not going out!’
Mother: ‘If you never go out ...how do you expect to meet anyone?”
Totally LATE, but happy to be here.
