Headline (in Fort Kent Herald): Kaci Hickox snowed in by blizzard reporting she has a temperature of 103 and is crapping her brains out.
Subheadline 1: EMTs unable to reach house.
Subheadline 2: Boyfriend living in garage to avoid further contact.
Perhaps she can send homemade pornos of her being sick to the garage so that he doesn’t have to go online and be unfaithful with other images of sick women.
(Credit for that idea goes to Jennifer Lawrence.)