Isabeau was a good guess, but no.
I was a jerk by asking what would have been a perfectly innocent question 35 years ago, about a topic that is no longer moot. I was also a jerk for asking a totally unnecessary and rude question.
Almost verbatim, 9:15± p.m., October 29, 2014, MSM in her bathroom, SM in living room.
- MSM: Are you going to mail anything tomorrow?
- SM: I don’t plan to. You need me to mail something for you?
- MSM: No.
- SM: You need stamps?
- MSM: No.
- [Thinking]
- SM: Need an errand run somewhere around the post office?
- MSM: No.
- SM: [said sincerely, but with ominous hint of where this will go] Well, what is it you wanna know or want me to do?
- MSM: Nothing. I was just curious.
- [Silence. SM is frustrated. He's played this game, but he's never played the following card.]
- SM: Are you going shopping tomorrow for some red knee-high socks? [said far too cheerfully]
- [Referee starts to pull yellow card, decides to leave it in his pocket. Boxing ref admonishes "below the belt."]
- MSM: What? No. [Pause] What was that for?
- SM: I was just curious. [said too manner of factly]
- [Yellow card! My name goes in the referee’s book. Football referee throws flag. Fifteen yards, personal foul, unnecessary roughness.]
- [Silence.]
- SM: I’m sorry. But I know how you think. You wanted to ask something or find out something when you asked about mail. What do you want to ask? [said sincerely]
- [Silence]
- MSM: Well . . . if you don’t have to go to the post office . . . I was wondering if you could mop the kitchen floor and clean the girls’ tub tomorrow. [partly because she never wants to inconvenience anyone, but primarily because: 50% genetic material from one side of her family, as that side will endearingly laugh about].
- SM: Yeah. Sure. I can do both.
- [Pause - Knowing not to ask the next question because I’ve asked similar questions countless times over 30+ years and always received the same angry and true answer, so as the words come out of my mouth I realize I have committed a serious breach of marital etiquette and respect . . . but the words start coming out of my mouth)
- SM: Why didn’t you . . . [no. don't go there. danger will robinson] . . . just ask me [no. all thrusters in reverse, but I can't find the off switch for my mouth] . . . if I would mop the kitchen floor and clean the girls’ tub tomorrow? [said sincerely but with a noticeable skootch of topic-specific experienced peevishness]
- [The referee doesn’t hesitate. Red card!!!! No argument.. I begin walking off the pitch and toward MSM's bathroom.]
- MSM: Because my brain doesn’t work like that!! [anger, tears].
- [Sincere apologies and hugs]. I feel this tall, as I should.]
-
Ultimate result:
Doghouse. Tub cleaned last night and kitchen floor mopped by 7:45 this morning. Will be cooking a special dinner for tonight.