You are being ridiculous. You install a start button that also restores ye ol Windows desktop and Windows 8 is very good
What other problems does it have?
The Start switch is in the the glovebox, on page 638B of the owners manual. Written in the “Microsoft Help Clear Prose” language.
Thankfully, by the time I needed to set up a Win8 laptop for a friend, enough other people had had the same problem. A Google search provided the solution and led to an immediate upgrade to Win 8.1.
Years ago I needed to drive a friends Peugeot, a model 104 from back in the late ‘70’s, IIRC. The gearshift came straight out of the dashboard. The doors unlocked by pushing DOWN on the button, the windows cranked up/down the opposite defection from ALL the cars I’d previously driven - US, English, Swedish, Japanese, German, Italian.
Windows8 = New Coke