Rambo: rednecks hassle Viet vet, die horribly
Rambo II: there’s still money in this franchise
Rocky: chump chomps champ
Rocky XLLVI: there’s no money left in this franchise
Expendables: so let’s start a new one ...
We Were Soldiers: Charge of the Light Brigade with helicopters
Apocalypse Now: Heart of Darkness with helicopters
... or Coppola does Vietnam
... or Marlin Brando is bald, fat, and mumbles a lot in the dark
Van Helsing: sucks to be Dracula
Dracula: sucks to be him
Animal House: No, YOUR fraternity was NOT just like this
Porky’s: Dorks with hardons
The Longest Day: even on crutches, the Duke kicks butt
A Bridge Too Far: Yep. It was.
Magnificent Seven: Samurai aren’t all Japanese
The Great Escape: Steve McQueen jumps a fence
Men in Black: black ops guys seize interstellar tech to suppress the American public.
I am Legend: Genetics allow a black guy to live to try to bring back the white guy in Manhattan.
The Fugitive: Stupid doctor takes on BigPharma after allowing his wife to be murdered due to his zero situational perception skills.
Shooter: A hill-rat is led down to relieve the US of a greedy Senator and Attorney General.
Grease: Capitalist teachings totally miss when elders attempt to educate hormonally pumped teenagers.
Avatar: Like American Indians, they had reservations, which were cancelled.