“Do you have anything in your pockets that might stick or cut me when I search you?”
“...uh, nah.”
Actual conversation after finding a giant pistol in the subject’s waistband:
“Why didn’t you tell me that you had a weapon on you when I asked you?”
“Cuz it’s not mine, man.”
I loved the guy who said he didn’t smoke pot but had a joint behind his ear. (He didn’t know how it got there)