Posted on 08/11/2014 3:25:19 PM PDT by Morgana
My previous columns drew attention to some of the ways pornography affects the actresses within it. Today I’d like to draw awareness to another fact that we don’t seem to comprehend:
Pornography
IS
an
AFFAIR.
Any time we bond sexually with another person besides the one to whom we’ve committed ourselves, an affair occurs. It doesn’t matter if that bond is in person or via a computer screen, a dating or married person who uses pornography is literally cheating or committing adultery.
Rather than go on about this at great length, I’d like to share two emails that I received. Lots of people email me. Sometimes I have something to offer in response. Many times I don’t. I’m not a counselor, and am in no position to give advice for many cases.
While it’s easy for me to identify with men who struggle with an attraction to porn – as I was one of them – and those who are involved in creating or acting in porn – since I produced it for so long – it’s particularly hard for me to answer emails from women who are in pain due to a husband’s porn addiction. I don’t know what to say most of the time, and I also feel so much guilt for contributing to that cycle.
When these emails come in, I’ll sometimes ask Wendy for feedback. Wendy is my amazing ex-wife, the mother of my son, whose heart I ripped to shreds with my lies, cheating, deceptions and involvement in porn production. After all I’ve done to her, especially because of all I’ve done to her, I’m honored to call her my friend – a very good friend.
When a woman recently emailed me asking for help…well, I’ll just let you read the email, followed by Wendy’s response. The first time I read Wendy’s letter in church it helped save a marriage, when a man in the audience recognized the truth of her response, drove half way across LA, apologized to his wife, and then drove back across town to come clean with his pastors about his porn addiction. I hope you find it useful, too. But first, the plea for help from a wife whose husband’s porn addiction is impacting her life:
Hello Donny,
I first want to say that I just found your blog yesterday and I sat and wept at my kitchen table as I began to read the entries, one at a time from start to finish. You have chosen such an amazing journey and I have NO doubt that God will continue to bless you and your family as he has already started to do.
I’m not really sure where to begin so I guess I will just start here…I found out a little over a year ago that my husband is addicted to pornography. It is so overwhelming for me as I am just starting to learn how deep and dark these wounds are for a man, his wife, and their marriage. I struggle every day with the fear of what’s next.
I know my God protects me. I know who I am in his eyes. But as confident as I am in that…my husband’s addiction is stripping away all that I am. I feel that I am alone in this fight because I have not really found anyone who understands or can guide and support me in the decisions and choices I need to make in order to cope with this reality.
I want to be the wife that I feel in my heart that God has called me to be…I just have no idea how right now. I have been touched by your entries about your ex-wife Wendy and all that the two of you have been through. She seems like a woman who has been through it and come out in a stronger place because of it.
My question is this…does she have a blog or email that she makes public? Does she, in any way, support wives who are dealing with this issue? I am really just looking for any kind of support from women that I can get. I want to know there are strong women praying for my husband and I. I want to know there is someone I can turn to when the heartache and sadness seem like the only things that are certain in my life. Advertisement
If she has nothing like this, do you have any suggestions for a wife who needs support? It seems like the wives are a lost casualty in this war…there isn’t much out there for us that I have found so far. We are from the (location removed) area so maybe you know of some things that I don’t.
I appreciate all the help you can give.
Keep up the fight…you are truly a blessed and courageous man of God. Thanks for your honesty.
At the time of this email, it had been years since Wendy and I divorced, but I think you can see the emotions still present when you read her response, which I’m about to share with you.
It should include anime, some of that stuff is sickening and aimed at a child audience
A lot of the U-15 stuff is peudo-porn too
I did a little research on it once. Per Wiki it is banned in only 94 of the 187 countries. 36 of those 94 don’t ban possession, only production.
Supposedly its illegal in more countries but they don’t have specific laws against it.
I worked with several law enforcement agencies on some data forensics to help in prosecutions. Even just hearing what they have to see during investigations made me sick. Most of the criminals start with regular porn and work their way up to child porn. Always needing something more extreme to get their kicks.
Until they start on actual kids
Use your imagination, what did your ancestors do before the invention of TV?
While porn may be your pleasure, the participants' lives are being destroyed........
Is that Perry Farrell???
From my own perspective I think that porn, drug use and legalization of such, as well birth-control, abortion, Hook-up culture and believe it or not some very addictive Computer games; all play a part either intended or by happenstance in the reduction of population advocated by the ‘Elites’ around the world.
If you can get the world’s population doing something else, anything else, besides ‘making babies’ then it will be reduced by attrition through old age and accidents.
Like I said... My perspective. But you might want to think on it too.
“As long as the man prefers his woman to such fantasies, why can’t he engage in them? Especially if she isn’t available. I agree it’s a problem if he prefers porn to his woman.”
I could write a book on this one.
http://www.chastity.com/question/why-is-pornography-a-sin
Why is pornography a sin?
The virtue to which we are called with regard to sexual relationships is called chastity. Through integrity and self control, the chaste person observes the true meaning and intimacy of sexual relations. Pornography is gravely offensive to this. The Catechism of the Catholic Church explains, “[pornography] perverts the conjugal act, the intimate giving of spouses to each other. It does grave injury to the dignity of its participants (actors, vendors, the public), since each one becomes an object of base pleasure and illicit profit for others. It immerses all who are involved in the illusion of a fantasy world” (CCC 2354).
Christopher West, in his book Good News About Sex and Marriage says this:
[Pornography] does nothing but foster in a man his fallen inclination to treat women as things for his own sexual gratification. A man who uses pornography, so long as he remains in its clutches, has incapacitated himself to love women properly . . . he cannot hope to have a healthy, pure relationship with a woman. He cannot hope to enter marriage honestly, fruitfully, and faithfully. Men who use pornography have emasculated themselves. (84)
It is important to rely on God’s grace to escape the clutches of pornography so that one can love as God intended.
You are dead on dude!!!
When one of my grandmothers was in her late seventies, one of her daughters and my sister visited her on her birthday at her room at the old folks home. Grandfather had died a decade previous. As a gag her daughter and my sister bought a Playgirl magazine for grandma. As the party ended and my aunt and my sister were leaving, they picked up the Playgirl to take back with them. My grandmother asked them if it was alright if they left the magazine with her. So you never know.
No kidding.
Dem. Congresswoman Rosa DeLauro of Conn.
The first time I saw that photo on here I thought, "Wow, what the Hell went wrong with Ray Davies?!?"
Well it’s a good thing thought police do not exist, back to the beginning of time.
Keith Richards sure has gone downhill. WOW!
“What about men who don’t have a partner?”
For those poor souls, they must visit Rosy Palm and her five daughters.
if this is true, then barbara cartland and all those other books are porn for women. and that means those romance books women read that are riddled with “throbbing” and “bosoms” and “he took her” are affairs too.
Great article. Thank you for posting. I went to the site and read his other entries. Absolutely heartbreaking.
This is a vicious industry that destroys families and the men and women involved.
It is not harmless. Not in the least.
it must. because those books are fantasy porn for women.
another fact conveniently ommitted from the deliberate male hit-piece here.
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