Posted on 08/11/2014 3:25:19 PM PDT by Morgana
My previous columns drew attention to some of the ways pornography affects the actresses within it. Today I’d like to draw awareness to another fact that we don’t seem to comprehend:
Pornography
IS
an
AFFAIR.
Any time we bond sexually with another person besides the one to whom we’ve committed ourselves, an affair occurs. It doesn’t matter if that bond is in person or via a computer screen, a dating or married person who uses pornography is literally cheating or committing adultery.
Rather than go on about this at great length, I’d like to share two emails that I received. Lots of people email me. Sometimes I have something to offer in response. Many times I don’t. I’m not a counselor, and am in no position to give advice for many cases.
While it’s easy for me to identify with men who struggle with an attraction to porn – as I was one of them – and those who are involved in creating or acting in porn – since I produced it for so long – it’s particularly hard for me to answer emails from women who are in pain due to a husband’s porn addiction. I don’t know what to say most of the time, and I also feel so much guilt for contributing to that cycle.
When these emails come in, I’ll sometimes ask Wendy for feedback. Wendy is my amazing ex-wife, the mother of my son, whose heart I ripped to shreds with my lies, cheating, deceptions and involvement in porn production. After all I’ve done to her, especially because of all I’ve done to her, I’m honored to call her my friend – a very good friend.
When a woman recently emailed me asking for help…well, I’ll just let you read the email, followed by Wendy’s response. The first time I read Wendy’s letter in church it helped save a marriage, when a man in the audience recognized the truth of her response, drove half way across LA, apologized to his wife, and then drove back across town to come clean with his pastors about his porn addiction. I hope you find it useful, too. But first, the plea for help from a wife whose husband’s porn addiction is impacting her life:
Hello Donny,
I first want to say that I just found your blog yesterday and I sat and wept at my kitchen table as I began to read the entries, one at a time from start to finish. You have chosen such an amazing journey and I have NO doubt that God will continue to bless you and your family as he has already started to do.
I’m not really sure where to begin so I guess I will just start here…I found out a little over a year ago that my husband is addicted to pornography. It is so overwhelming for me as I am just starting to learn how deep and dark these wounds are for a man, his wife, and their marriage. I struggle every day with the fear of what’s next.
I know my God protects me. I know who I am in his eyes. But as confident as I am in that…my husband’s addiction is stripping away all that I am. I feel that I am alone in this fight because I have not really found anyone who understands or can guide and support me in the decisions and choices I need to make in order to cope with this reality.
I want to be the wife that I feel in my heart that God has called me to be…I just have no idea how right now. I have been touched by your entries about your ex-wife Wendy and all that the two of you have been through. She seems like a woman who has been through it and come out in a stronger place because of it.
My question is this…does she have a blog or email that she makes public? Does she, in any way, support wives who are dealing with this issue? I am really just looking for any kind of support from women that I can get. I want to know there are strong women praying for my husband and I. I want to know there is someone I can turn to when the heartache and sadness seem like the only things that are certain in my life. Advertisement
If she has nothing like this, do you have any suggestions for a wife who needs support? It seems like the wives are a lost casualty in this war…there isn’t much out there for us that I have found so far. We are from the (location removed) area so maybe you know of some things that I don’t.
I appreciate all the help you can give.
Keep up the fight…you are truly a blessed and courageous man of God. Thanks for your honesty.
At the time of this email, it had been years since Wendy and I divorced, but I think you can see the emotions still present when you read her response, which I’m about to share with you.
Its a stereotype that only men are addicted to porn. Maybe it was true at some time, but its not true anymore.
good for you!
That’s hard core
Yes it is catching up with women, I quite agree. “Fifty Shades” is just one example. The author of this used to be in the porn industry and he knows most is catered to men by men. Most women do not create porn. The author of “Fifty Shades” is rare but women are getting into it.
In Tokyo, kiddie porn possesseion is legal. how sick is that?
It’s not as rare as you think. How long have women been running prostitutes?
Child porn is legal in over 100 countries.
LOL!
very sickening
LOL, well, except for getting cancer several times, yes, it is!!!!
I’m having surgery soon. I presume that will rid me of the second cancer in two years. :)
Running prostitutes? You mean being a madame? There have always been those yes but the makers of porn movies, pictures, books, magazines, et cetera have been for the majority males. Hugh Hefner, Larry the Flint to name a few.
btw, thank you for your kind comment
Women need to understand that for men, fantasy is more visual. And pretty much every adult engages in some form of private fantasy. So men’s fantasy won’t look like women’s. Women might read something or watch a commercial movie that has love scenes in it, etc. Men need a little more raunch, if I may use that word.
As long as the man prefers his woman to such fantasies, why can’t he engage in them? Especially if she isn’t available. I agree it’s a problem if he prefers porn to his woman.
I know a widow, 80 years of age. Her whole life she read those bodice rippers. Guess what? She still reads them! Read them every day when her husband was alive, and still reads them today.
Sexual fantasies have to be ok because everyone has them. Probably even nuns and priests, and I’m sure Gd doesn’t mind.
“In Tokyo, kiddie porn possesseion is legal. how sick is that?”
You know Gerry just last night in another thread I spoke of the importance of sending Christan missionaries to Japan. I believe my reasons were valid. You just justified them or am I correct?
I think it was outlawed in the 1990's.
Hefner and Flint have a lot of women working for them, helping to recruit new young women.
A lot of porn is made these days by women.
Child porn was banned in June 2014 in Japan. The ban does not include anime.
From what I’ve heard, that book should be renamed Fifty Shades of Smut.
btw, the only purpose behind my comment is to point out its not just a male problem. Women are producers of it and consumers.
I have a friend in her 80s who also reads those. Last year it was 50 Shades. She keeps telling me I need to open my mind and experience them. I read very little fiction and I want my reading time to be spent reading the best, so I’ll pass on those.
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