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I know about Verizon DSL, which is all we can get in this area.

If you have this service, you pay for prehistoric “speed” which goes out for an average of two days whenever it rains. That means a call to a Verizon robot in India, which entails about 45 minutes or more on hold, and then the robot will insist that your problem must be a modem which needs to be turned off & on, no matter how many times you’ve called before with the same problem. The robot will keep you on the phone for roughly an hour, getting all of your information wrong, telling you he can’t find you in the records, and having to take you through it all again, until you end up going nuclear on him.

Any and every question you ask will be met with “Stay with me” and being put on hold. Seriously, EVERY question. After this happens six or seven times, he will come back, you will tell him not to put you on hold again, and he will hang up on you.

Then you will look at the card in your hand, the one the last repairman gave you-—the one who said everything was fixed for good!-—and you will see the words “Providing Excellent Customer Service.” You will either dissolve into tears or hysterical laughter, and what comes out of your mouth would guarantee a zot.