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Ah, you know what? The jaw issue I spoke of has nothing to do with the TN. I didn’t think about it because I’m so used to my own self and how ridiculous the situation is. There ARE surgeries for TN. I had the gamma knife radiation years ago to no avail. This prob, though, is a bone infection in the upper jaw. LOL. It’s been there since the really bad wreck years ago. It’s incurable, according to some. I don’t even know anymore. No two docs seem to agree on squat. I got it stirred up last year or the year before, can’t remember which, when I got talked into having a root canal done in that area. Should have left well enough alone. I was supposed to have gone on an IV of antibiotics for a year starting last year, but that didn’t happen for several reasons. I have to laugh, because … there’s no other option. That’s why I simply put my husband off when he’s wanting me to get something done. “Whatchoo want me to do? Seriously? Where do I start?”

Phht. It’s all good and everything will be fine after some sweet sleep, which I hope comes TODAY. (Please, Lord, please.)

Thank you so much for remembering me in your prayers while you’re in such a bad way, T. There’s no better gift than prayer. I really, really appreciate it.

Please forgive me if there are many errors. I’ve been without sleep several nights and I’m error prone. My eyes are frippin’ crossed and they feel like I’ve been in a boxing ring. My dog won’t even come ‘round me.

Lost my train of thought. About those back surgeries, T …

My father, God rest his sweet soul, was very tall. Born at some 14 and half pounds. I got my height from him. He suffered with back problems as long as I can remember and I reckon that my brother and I got some of that from him, too.

An orthopaedic surgeon once told me that the taller the person, the more room for error. I believe him.

Daddy had 2 back surgeries … or 3. I can’t quite remember. He always told me, “Never let them cut on you the first time, because they’ll never stop.”

My brother had one failed neck surgery before he was 40. “Never again.”

Remember that I was supposed to have 4 back surgeries within a matter of weeks? Back to back? Then another neurosurgeon said he could do the job in 3. That was for the lumbar probs. I never got to even the second surgery due to the leg paralysis from the first one.

A year after that surgery, I went to another neurosurgeon to have the other junk finally put in. He did the scans and mri and such, and came back and said, “No way, my lady. Nooo way. Just leave it be and try not to think of it.”

Am I better for the surgery? No.

My stomach rolls a little bit thinking about back surgery for anyone, T. Seems to me that the docs want to tell their patients that there’s no guarantee when they’re shuffling papers, talking under their breath and walking out the door.

Will you be better off? That’s the question. Only you can decide. It may be that it works for you and relieves your pain. I pray so, T. My goodness, do I. It’s just that when a person is in such pain for so long a time that any promise is easy to accept. And I understand. I know you want and need relief. I just wish for you to be very careful in your decisions. Have you had time to check out the surgeon’s record? Had I known that the one I had was shuffled to 6 or 7 or so different states in a short period of time, I probably would not have let him near me. I stupidly decided to check his record after I couldn’t walk.

Ah, truth be told, I may have done it anyway. Like you today, I just wanted relief and he seemed to be holding it in his hands. Hindsight and all that, it doesn’t matter anyway at this point. I lean on Him and try to keep going.

Right now, though, I’m going to go lean in some hot water for a while. If I don’t fall asleep I’m coming back to FR. I don’t figure I’m going to make it very far from here today anyway, so write me back if you’re up to it. If not, you know I understand.

All my best, sweet friend.