Your problem is self inflicted, can’t blame it on anyone or anything else. If you poop your pants while sitting there waiting for her, it is your problem to clean up.
Obviously I recognized the pattern after a long time because of the time differential. In case you didn’t read my whole 2 sentence post, I know how to recognize the panic signs and can control my emotional response. Your post is so edifying and uplifting you sound like a participant of Democratic Underground, much like a dung beetle.