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Consider it that way, and from what you say the facts point to that. She and your relationship with her is nowhere near as important as the kids and your relationship with them.

Make it legal and it will work out or not, but in the long run for you and the kids it will end up worlds better even if it is really done.

Keep your sanity, your job, and the kids relationship protected.... make it legal and that will remove one unknown. Yes it (things) are empty, but from what you describe it has been that way. So face up to that and protect your sanity, your job, and the legal stuff with the kids so those worries are gone.

I have seen this several times and been though it twice personally.
The time I made it legal it ended up being for the better for us both and we still live together as the real friends we were to start.
The one I didn't make legal cost way too much pain (all the way around) and ended up after years of driving me nuts to be over.

Only now I can see it was a done deal from way back, and I could have gone much further, and faster, if I had made it legal from the start.

Remember, going legal does not affect the kids 'cause they don't know what that is anyway. When I did take that first one legal, it all was clearer and easier from the point the papers where filed. In the long run that one ended up working out better for both of us too.
It did not make us better, but as I said, in the long run I can see that one was done from the start too.

Make it legal, keep your sanity, and your job. Remember, legal is only papers, and that can change with by ripping up the papers... but if it is really done now (which is what you indicated from the start of this thread) I promise you will be glad the paper work is done NOW.

Sanity, job, kids are all you have that is just yours, so take away the variable. If she really wants to change it, she can take action to do so. If she does not, then she does not want to.

Make her show she wants it any other way than it is now. If not, you will be ahead of the inevitable! Best yet she will have to deliberately answer the papers and the current situation so you will force her to move in some direction... which you indicate she is not now.

Remember the kids are all that matters now, and for history. Everything else will fade. Just keep saying to yourself, kids, job, and sanity. DO NOT be swayed by her till she comes around and it will work out for the better.

Good luck and hang tough. Peace brother.
Freep mail me if yu want to chat on this some more.