Q: Why are tubas like elderly parents?
A: Both are unforgiving and difficult to get into and out of cars.
Q: How many tuba players does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Just one, but he'll complain about how high the socket is.
Two tuba players walk past a bar... well, it could happen.
A tuba player walked into a bar... It cost him $175.00 to have the dent removed.
One week after moving into his first apartment, Ed called his mother to complain about his neighbors: "One woman cries all day, another lies in bed moaning, and then there's this guy that keeps banging his head against the wall."
"You better keep away from them," she said.
"I do. I stay inside all day playing my tuba."
Q: How do you make musicians complain?
A: Pay them.
Q: What do you call a beautiful woman on a trombonist's arm?
A: A tattoo.
Q: What's the difference between a banjo and an onion?
A: Nobody cries when you chop up a banjo.
Q: What do you call a drummer in a three-piece suit?
A: "The Defendant"
Q: What did the drummer get on his I.Q. Test?
A: Saliva.
Q: What do call a guitar player without a girlfriend?
A: Homeless.
Q: What's the difference between a SCUD missile and a bad oboist?
A: A bad oboist can kill you.
Q: What’s the definition of perfect pitch?
A: When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.
A. No one cries when you take out a knife and cut up the accordion.