I complain often about CFIDS, and bemoan the fact that I have it, but during the course of the disease (24 years at last count) I’ve come to realize that this challenge has been given to me for a reason, and though I can only speculate what that reason is, I often feel I’m not fulfilling my potential.
The disease is not commonly known, and those who know about it have not necessarily encountered it in their lives. The medicos are probably the worst skeptics about it, with family members coming in a very close second.
To say “Chronic Fatigue and Immune Dysfunction Syndrome,” is often to instantly minimalize the disease and its effect on the victim. It is, in a way, my “job” to try and educate people about the disastrous effects this has on ones life.
Sometimes, I’m successful, sometimes I’m a pathetic failure. While I would like to have been able to reach the goals I had when I first started working for the county, I realize that this “job” is far more important. So if you hear me complain, it’s because the disease has overwhelmed me for that day, or that week.
But I have never lost faith that it is for ME to have this, and that I am possibly the best suited to educate others. And that’s the way it is, she sez, getting off her soap box.
:o]
It's the hardest faith to have, especially when God doesn't seem to be real big on offering explanations for His decisions. As Lewis says, we are not competent to judge God, but it's hard not to. I knew a powerful preacher with severe rheumatoid arthritis. It was painful for him to turn the pages of his Bible. Why would God do that?
Maybe one day He'll tell me. Maybe He never will. He has no obligation to do so. Same with my questions about your CFIDS. Same with my questions about my mother-in-law's schizophrenia.
But I'd still like to know.