You can’t possibly be serious ........
He missed the day sixth grade went to the planetarium and saw the moon and sun on nearly opposite sides of the earth. Then missed science class in the 8th when they learned the word “syzygy”.
Get a hatchet and punch a hole through the roof. Make a quick stop at Hardees and get a bunch of biscuits. Get yourself back toot sweet and make sure the news is on so you know when to get out of the smartly prepared hole in the roof. Don’t forget the biscuits.