[workerbee]

From my dad (Alabama): If I was in a better mood (happier, whatever)... I'd be twins. Also, sometimes varied to If I was happier, you'd have to tie my leg to a chair to keep me from floating away.

From my grandmother (W-Central PA): Offen the light. (turn off the light)

From my husband & his Kentucky relatives: I'm fixin' to... meaning I'm getting ready to... And among the males, she's hotter than a brick sh--house with a drop ceiling.

[RikaStrom]

I’ve used: If I were any happier, I’d be beside myself. (usually said sarcastically)

I was trying to find out directions to this place, and the guy looked at me and said “ You can’t get there from here, you have to start somewhere else.”

I must have looked at him in shock ‘cause he started laughing. I thought it was so funny that I remember it now, even say it to a few people when they ask me directions.