Posted on 09/21/2012 1:58:04 PM PDT by Pharmboy
Illinois
Er....that doesn't mean what you think it means. Don't think I want to explain it in polite company.
A bathroom break is "Going to see a man about a horse." -- a Florida cracker expression. When someone keeps handing you the wrong tool or is sitting there doing nothing that's "as useful as tits on a boarhog." - swampeast Missouri
"Happy as a pig in sh!t." - Ozarks
A bench-clearing fight on a ball field is a donnybrook. - St. Louis
When you are working a job where nothing you do seems to work is being "stuck like a turtle on a fencepost," an expression from farmers who when plowing put any turtles they find on fenceposts until the work is done and danger is past. Most turtles keep paddling the air for a while before giving up.---- Illinois
"You are a scholar and a gentleman." - said to anyone judged to have integrity. --Illinois
My dad's : "If you don't stop crying I'll give you something to cry about."
And another one he used a lot when kids whined too much : "You are going to like it whether you like it or not."
And another : "Go tell your mother she wants you."
Or "Go play in the street."
bump
In industrial parts of the midwest, after the snow kind of loses its pristine beauty, those big gray chunks of snow that fall off trucks, or the sooty, slusshy snow gobbed up on the side of the road in town are called “road boogers.”
Our sailboat had a LOT of storage drawers in the cabin. I used to say, “She’s got more drawers than Fruit of the Loom!”
He’s so skinny, he only has one stripe on his pajamas.
She’s so late her relatives must have come over on the Juneflower.
“She's so late her ancestors must have come over on the Juneflower.
Armed Forces. Overheard this regarding somebody who had a pretty bad hangover.
“You look like a wolf ate you and Sh*t you off a cliff”
My dads favorite was....thats as useless as a one legged man in an ass kicking contest..
Stop yelling, it makes you sound like a fishwife
have to laugh at colder than a well diggers a$$. Back in the days when wells were dug by hand..
My husband had to dig a 6 foot hole to put up a new phone pole to get electricty to barn after a bad storm....I was helping bale out the water(high water table) and he made the comment, damn my a$$ is getting cold....Ilaughed for quite a while...he didn’t know why..His family were all city people
....I feel like I’ve been drug thorough hell backwards then slapped in the face with buzzard guts”’’’
Alot of these are funny but heard before....thats an original...LOL
I love your mother...she is quite witty.
That’s pretty good.
My Danish grandpa was such a figure of rectitude that I’m not sure he ever did fart, let alone say the word.
But he had a style to him. Loved to suit up for weddings and such. And when his little town celebrated its diamond anniversary he entered the beard contest and grew a little strip beard, which came out blonde—this is when he was in his 80s, for pete’s sake.
The morning of the big parade in town we were all lined up with our antique cars and such (I was driving a ‘27 Essix Super Six) and here came grandpa up the line, carrying a little trophy—he had won first prize in the irregular beard category.
I got out to look at the trophy, then teased him, “You’re just lucky I didn’t enter.”
He puffed up like a little peacock and leaned right in my face. “You ain’t got the juice,” he said.
Central Wyoming: I’m not feeling too punk (as in, I’m not feeling well)
My grandfather was a Lutheran pastor and my mom and dad met at a church function. In our house I never heard my parents swear or use “bad language”. I was watching a soap opera with my mom when I was a teenager and I heard her refer to one of the characters as a “bitchy witch”. I was shocked, shocked! Still remember it, obviously.
My buddy has a couple he uses on me when I am struggling to do something correctly (usually after a few cocktails)
“you look like a monkey tryin to f*** a football”
“hire the handicapped, they’re fun to watch”
And another buddy from northeast Kansas had some good ones also.
When you are tired of talking to your latest prospective girlfriend for the night-
“quit your grinnin and drop your linen”
and if he saw a well endowed young lady-
“Hey look, there’s Gretchen Keepemfloppin”
and when he would greet you at the door-
“come on in, shake off your skin and rattle around in your bones”
and to describe a humiliating defeat-
“you got beat like a rented mule”
My apologies if any of these offended anyone.
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.