The feelings you describe are similar to mine ... not malicious, but sadness, sorrow .... always brings me to tears. I tend to think that the suffering and horror of the Antietam battle were so awful that it’s taking a long, long time to dissipate and I’m not sure it ever will. I am convinced, as I said before, some souls still wander there.
There used to be a museum of sorts (visitor’s center) at The Wilderness battlefield park. In it was a soldier’s uniform - a teenager. It was SO tiny, almost like a childs - really hits home how much smaller folks in that day and age were. Anyway, the pant leg was cut/ripped off because he was shot in the leg. He survived that battle, but I was absolutely transfixed by that uniform when I saw it - for some reason, it became very real to me that a human being had been in those very clothes and what he must have gone through.
A fairly ‘famous’ battle took place on my great-great-grandparents farm in the Shenandoah Valley and a cousin was executed by Union soldiers .... the Civil War definitely figures in our family history and that is one reason it interests me so much.
Which battle was it? I've been to Fisher's Hill, Winchester I, II, and III (aka Opequan), Cedar Creek, New Market, and probably a few of the others. Haven't been there in many years though.