What loads you shoot make a noticeable difference.
Also if you mod it with a stock that can help reduce the feel of the recoil, that makes a big difference.
If she was small it could easily be too much for her. It would be too much for some guys. If control sucks because the load is very hot and the recoil is big, it makes people not want to use it. Or over-anticipate the trigger pull and recoil.
The managed recoil loads can make a big difference, and would probably be a better self-defense load anyway. We’re not trying to kill a deer or hit high flying geese after all.