Just don’t assume that women know what they’re doing. In my situation, I really didn’t see these guys as guys.
I finally woke up (to my horror and my husbands smirks of ‘I told you so’) and have lived with my ‘rules’ for 16 years. I never touch a non-related male unless I’m pulling him from a fire. I am never alone with a non-related male. If a situation comes up where I *must* be alone with a non-related male (repair man), my husband is aware of the situation and I never allow him to get closer than 6 feet. I’m not a b*tch about it, but I keep the lines very clear. I don’t trust ANY male.
The attitude that ‘women know what they’re doing’ is a dangerous one. I can see how men could come to resent women and - possibly even come to hate them - if they believed that.
It is just as difficult for a woman to see things from a male’s perspective as it is for a man to see things from a woman’s. You think that, because such behaviors have a sexual context for you, that it must be the same for her.
Guys and girls *are* different and sometimes the male brain is friggin’ alien to us.
And yes, there are plenty of manipulative brats out there who do tease men. But it takes so little to ‘tease’ a guy! You really do have to go to extreme lengths NOT to.
About 10 years ago my husband and I were friends with another couple. We would get together and play hearts. One night, I had gotten up for a beer and went to sit back down at the table. The idiot had his legs spread out under the table and I accidentally kicked his foot when I went to sit down. I said sorry and he pulled his leg back.
His wife told me that he went off in the car on the way home about me ‘playing footsie’ with him under the table. She was there. She remembered the situation and she defended me. And that wasn’t the only time that he did that.
His BS did end up ruining my friendship with his wife. It placed doubts in her mind and she eventually stopped trusting me. Even though I was NEVER alone with him, she started wondering if I was trying to seduce her husband.
When we first became friends, she told me that she had never had a female friendship last before because ALL of her friends ended up hitting on her husband. Now I see where she got that from.
I am 100% confused. You have made two total contradictory claims...in one you never touch a non related male but in another you treat your guy friends just like your female friends (hugs etc)or am I just missing something here?
I never touch a non-related male unless I’m pulling him from a fire. I am never alone with a non-related male. If a situation comes up where I *must* be alone with a non-related male (repair man), my husband is aware of the situation and I never allow him to get closer than 6 feet. I’m not a b*tch about it, but I keep the lines very clear. I don’t trust ANY male.
The way female friends interact with each other (hugging, doing nice things for one another, intense personal conversations) was natural for me. When I started making friends with the guys, I treated them the way I would a good female friend. I NEVER thought that these idiots would see it as flirting. (Alright - *I* was the idiot.) They knew I was happily married. I thought that my ring was all the clarity that I needed.
“The attitude that ‘women know what they’re doing’ is a dangerous one.”
The attitude that “every man you work with wants to sleep with you” isn’t so good either.
Nor the attitude “I don’t trust ANY male.”
On the other hand, I’m not too far from “I don’t trust ANY female” but at least I know it’s not a good attitude.