It is hard.
I'm generally ok with neruotic catz. I have 2.
But they are catz. At some point, like house fires, you open the doors and they are on their own.
Your guy sounds like my Sky, except he has mellowed over the years.
Still freaks out if I stand up around him, but my right arm won't be cat free in bed until after he passes on.
Again. Prayers up. I don't know what I will do when Sky is gone.
/johnny
Had the same - cat finally mellowed out when he got rather old. Wonderful mouser. You just had to learn that he was his own cat and to leave him be.