I wonder if part of the problem is that people expect more of marriage than marriage is able to give.
I have a great wife. One of the deals we have, though, is that for at least a week a year, I take a trip by myself. It’s amazing how many people tell us that that’s just wrong and it means there’s something wrong with our marriage.
I hear of these women who say that their husband has to be their best friend, their soul mate, and they should do everything together, etc., etc. Eventually, most people will just wear on each other if they do that. If people would just back off and accept that interests aren’t always going to be the same and that it’s okay to not always be together, a lot of marriages could be saved.
I never heard my grandparents talk about “soul mates” or expect their spouses to have the same interests. But they never divorced.
I will have to say, my wife and I do the same. I take a guys' trip--to Vegas, or golf; she takes a girls' trip. Usually hers is to a beach.
Not saying we are the perfect marriage by any means, nor am I saying those trips are responsible for the success we do have. but we recognize each other's space.
You bring up an interesting phenomena. It seems that modern marriages are all about the "best friends" concept between husband and wife. I'm not sure we took that approach--we have a marriage together, not a friendship.
I have only been married 23 years, but my wife understands completely that I need time just to do things on my own...guy things...or just time alone. I do the same for her. I think this is critically important.
I go to sporting events alone, travel alone, etc. I did go to a party the other night, and a woman there asked me where my wife was. I said she was just giving me space, and in any case, I thought it was just a guys bonfire and beer thing. Even if I had known there were couples and asked her, she might have politely declined.
She gives that space to me, and there isn’t anything wrong with us.
She is comfortable with herself, and I with myself. But I see that is not the way it is with everyone.
Sounds healthy to me. My wife regularly goes to medical seminars all over the country without me, and every year I take 2-3 week long motorcycle trip with a friend I’ve had since childhood.
I wouldn’t enjoy the work trips. I’d be bored all day while she listened to or gave presentations on subjects that I barely understand on a layman’s level, and she couldn’t deal with a trip that entails camp grounds and open skies one night and the Marriott the next. You can completely forget 10 hour days in the saddle. That’s just not happening.