10 Terribly Bad Mother’s Day Gifts:
1. Tissue Box Photo Cover $9.95- I love photos as much as the next Mom, but just because you can stick a photograph on something doesn’t mean that you should. When in doubt, go with a traditional frame, and don’t turn Mom’s treasured pictures into creepy keepsakes.
2. Chinchilla Apron $39.95 – Even though this Chinchilla Apron is faux, it has no place in the kitchen…or anywhere else.
3. Face Slimmer Duck Mask sold by the Japanese Trend Shop $78 – There are so many things wrong with giving this to Mom as a gift, or to anyone at anytime, that I really don’t know where to start. Let’s just state part of the obvious and say that you should avoid gifts that insinuate that Mom needs to do exercises to slim down her fat face. Also, look at this thing! It looks like a …WTF?
4. Picnic Pants – Have you noticed that your Mom rarely picnics anymore? Is it because she’s too busy? Is it because her arms are full with diaper bags, purses, etc. and she just doesn’t have a free hand to tote around the necessary picnic blanket? Or perhaps it’s because her regular Mom jeans don’t allow her to eat off her lap with ease? Well, have I got a product for you! Picnic Pants! Mom can enjoy eating out of her lap anywhere she can sit cross-legged (BONUS cup holder on her pant leg too)! I have no idea how much these cost because I could only stand to look at this site long enough to copy the link and the ridiculous picture.
5. Assorted Chocolate Crocheted Satchels $25- Really? Crocheted Chocolates? These were being advertised for Mother’s Day specifically, and what’s the message this gift sends to dear old Mom? Hey Mom, I know you love to eat chocolate, but maybe you should just look at it instead. Oh, but don’t worry, it smells like the real thing! Enjoy! For $25 go buy your Mom some real chocolate…seriously. I’m sure she’s earned at least that much by being your mother.
6. Subtle Butt Gas Filters 11.95 – Leave the fart jokes and these gassy ass filters for Father’s Day. Please.
7. Houreisen Face Exercise Mask $92 -Last year’s hockey mask made such an impression on you, I had to include another this year too. This one makes Mom look like she should be a professional wrestler…if you really want to give her a great gift, how about an actual facial? A spa treatment says you care, whereas a facial exercise mask says you’re kind of an ass.
8. Hand Dipped Roses 19.99-799.99 – For $19.99 go buy a beautiful, real bouquet for Mother’s Day…fresh flowers are always a nice gesture. And if you’re planning on shelling out nearly $800 for Mother’s Day, you could get some fabulous gold bling (and score some major points) with jewelry, instead of this odd, expensive floral thing.
9. Cooking For the Clueless DVD $18.99- I know someone who once received cooking lessons for Mother’s Day. Now, I’m not saying this was the reason, but she is divorced now… Even if Mom really, truly needs them, Mother’s Day is not the time to give the gift of better cooking.
10. The Emergency Bra $49.99 - Is your Mom constantly worried about being in an emergency situation without a gas mask? Does the gas mask she owns take up too much space in her purse (who’s doesn’t)? Well, Mom can relax and look stylish in her new Emergency Bra. If the moment arises, these safety cups can cover her mouth and allow Mom to breathe with ease. Whew! Function meets fashion with this handy under garment!
