President Obama walks into the Bank of America to cash a check. As he approaches the cashier he says, “Good morning Ma’am, could you please cash this check for me?”
Cashier: “It would be my pleasure sir. Could you please show me your ID?”
Obama: “Truthfully, I did not bring my ID with me as I didn’t think there was any need to. I am President Barack Obama, the President of the United States of AMERICA !!!!”
Cashier: “Yes sir, I know who you are, but with all the regulations and monitoring of the banks because of impostors and forgers and requirements of the Dodd/Frank legislation, etc., I must insist on seeing ID.”
Obama: “Just ask anyone here at the bank that I am and they will tell you. Everybody knows who I am.”
Cashier: “I am sorry Mr. President but these are the bank rules and I must follow them.”
Obama: “I am urging you, please, to cash this check.”
Cashier: “Look Mr. President, here is an example of what we can do. One day, Tiger Woods came into the bank without ID. To prove he was Tiger Woods he pulled out his putter and made a beautiful shot across the bank into a cup. With that shot we knew him to be Tiger Woods and cashed his check. Another time, Andre Agassi came in without ID. He pulled out his tennis racquet and made a fabulous shot whereas the tennis ball landed in my cup. With that shot we cashed his check. So, Mr. President, what can you do to prove that it is you, and only you, as the President of the United States ?”
Obama stands there thinking, and thinking, and finally says, “Honestly, my mind is a total blank...there is nothing that comes to my mind. I can’t think of a single thing. I have absolutely no idea what to do.”
Cashier: “Will that be large or small bills, Mr. President?”
An oldie, but it’s still funny:
Yesterday I was at my local COSTCO buying a large bag of Purina dog
chow for my loyal pet, Jake, the Wonder Dog and was in the check-out
line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
What did she think I had an elephant? So because I’m retired and have
little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn’t have a dog, I
was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn’t,
because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I’d lost 50
pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming
out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a Perfect Diet and that the way
that it works is, to load your pants pockets with Purina Nuggets and
simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is
nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it
again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was
now enthralled with my story.)
Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care, because the dog
food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff a
poodle’s ass and a car hit me.
I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was
laughing so hard.
Costco won’t let me shop there anymore. Better watch what you ask
retired people. They have all the time in the World to think of crazy
things to say.