Husband watchin TV, wife comes in and asks “What's on TV? Husband says: “Dust” ...and that's how the fight started.
Friday date night husband walks in while wife is dressing and remarks: “Your panty hose are wrinkled” . Wife: “I'm not wearing panty hose” ...and that's how the fight started.
Wife: Last year, for my mom's birthday you got her a plot at the cemetery. This year you you didn't get her anything - why not ?”
Husband: “She hasn't used last year's gift.”...and that's how the fight started.
Since we seem to have a theme started...
A man came home from work, sat down in his favorite chair, turned on the TV, and said to his wife, “Quick, bring me a beer before it starts.”
She looked a little puzzled, but brought him a beer. When he finished it, he said, “Quick, bring me another beer. It’s gonna start soon.”
This time she looked a little angry, but brought him a beer. When it was gone, he said, “Quick, another beer, it’s gonna start any second.”
“That’s it!” She blows her top, “You bastard! You waltz in here, flop your fat ass down, don’t even say hello to me and then expect me to run around like your slave. Don’t you realize that I cook and clean and wash and iron all day long?”
The husband sighed. “Oh crap, it’s started.
Perhaps a variation on the theme... (and one of my all time favorites)
A Chinese couple gets married, and she’s a virgin. Truth be told, he is none too experienced either. On the wedding night, she cowers naked under the bed sheets as her husband undresses. He climbs in next to her and tries to be reassuring: “My daring,” he says, “I know dis you fus time and you berry frighten. I plomise you, I give you anyting you wan, I do anyting jus anyting you wan, you say. Watchou wan?” he says, trying to sound experienced, which he hopes will impress his virgin bride. A thoughtful silence follows and he waits patiently (and eagerly) for her request. She eventually replies shyly and unsure, “I wan...numba 69.” More thoughtful silence, this time from him. Eventually, in a puzzled tone he queries, “You wan...beef with brocceri?”