Posted on 03/15/2012 9:29:59 AM PDT by Altariel
I think the original list is the result of a combination of insecurity and lack of maturity. The man has no control over his daughter, making him insecure, and he lashes out at a potential suitor because of it. The threats are just juvenile. I would bet 100% of the men who say those things in real life would piss themselves before they ever pulled a trigger on someone.
But the main problem with lists like that is all it does is fuel the fire. It creates two enemies in the initial meeting. There is no need to be antagonistic the first time you meet someone, unless you need to prove your the baddest man in the valley, which goes back to insecurity.
I think you hit it perfectly when you said that the outcome of this conversation will be one of the two choices if the guy stays with the girl:
He is a decent guy who is enough of a man to not be bullied so he caries a “screw off” attitude
or
He gives in to all of the father’s silly demands and will be a sniveling wimp throughout the entirity of the relationship with the girl and the father.
It gives me great hope knowing that there are mothers like you out there raising young women. Thanks. My boys are no angels and I hope I did my job good enough so that they make good husbands some day. Maybe God will forgive my parental mistakes and help them live a good life with a good wife.
I know this list is meant as a joke but it does contribute to the double standard in this society.
We expect no morality out of boys unless those boys happen to be dating one of our daughters.
IOW, boys will be boys if the boys are our own. And all boys are evil scum if they want to date our daughters.
The truth is that if we want to have valiant young men and virtuous young women we all have to work to combat the culture that this post illustrates.
I read it as “if you’re going to be around my daughter you’d better BE one of those nice moral guys”. I really can’t control every guy out there but I do expect ones who want to marry my kid to be a cut above.
And I expect my daughter to deserve one of the good guys. No double standards here. When I have sons I’ll hold them to the same levels.
Read the list again.
But it sounds like the kid might actually have the capacity to learn. At least he's persistent.
I have a huge scythe hanging by the front door of my 1909 home.
I went ahead and put notches in the handle and put boy names by the notches.
I have three daughters. Beautiful young ladies all three.
It is my job to protect them.
I think I will hang these rules in a frame by the scythe.
I agree somewhat except the good guy stuff only goes one way. He doesn’t have the same standard for the behavior of his daughter toward the young man. That is the double standard.
That is why people are giving the “princess” mentality comments. Her daddy thinks she can do no wrong and the young man can do no right, the dad is just tolerating him for now.
I expect any suitors for my daughter to be virtuous young men. If they are not they will not have access to my daughter period. I also expect my daughter to be a virtuous young woman. She must be worthy of the young man just as much as he needs to be worthy of her. It should go both ways as you stated in your post. This list does not.
“Rule No. 6: You do not have a legal contract with my daughter — she can break off the engagement if she wants and there is nothing you can do about it except change your name and move out of the country. The same goes for you: I would not want you marrying my daughter if you do not truly feel you are the right man for her, nor, if you break it off, would I want you marrying anybody else. Ever.”
If his daughter breaks it off, then his life is ruined. If he breaks it off, his life should be ruined. There IS double standard there and this rule is just one example.
On top of that the father is very condescending to the young man. He wants to intimidate him and threaten him instead of getting to know him and find out if he really is one of the good guys.
As a father, I certainly understand the humor and the overall intent. I share it ;) But when I was that young lad picking up my not yet wife for a date and her brothers gave me the speech and stink eye, I told them (in a nutshell) ..
“If I had any intention of hurting your little sister, I’d do it in front of you, here, now and there’s not a lot the two of you would do to stop me. If this is a problem, why not get it out of your systems so you don’t have to worry about me thinking about this all night and developing an attitude problem when I bring her back?”
They took the hint. We were married a year later ;)
You must be very proud of yourself.
You can protect your daughters without demeaning and ridiculing someone else’s son. The best way is by getting to know the young man on your own before he is allowed to date your daughter. Invite him over for dinner and for social family time. Instead this list allows access to the daughter without the father having to invest any time into the relationship other than the initial threats to the young man.
Obviously I realize the actual list is a joke but all humor has an element of truth and this is the way most men attempt to protect their daughters.
He never threatened anyone. He said that it was good they didn’t meet so the other poster wouldn’t have to shoot him.
The list was meant to be funny, but it fell flat with me. I’ve been married 25 years, so I’m not in the ‘market’ - thankfully! - because most of the teen girls I’ve met aren’t much to boast about. “Princess” usually has multiple tattoos, had been on birth control without her parents knowing it since 15, and wants someone to ‘take care of her’.
The whole idea of “I will make him a helper fit for him” seems to have passed by modern society.
My wife has stuck with me in good times and bad. We’ve had both joy and grief form our kids. We’ve BOTH worked to build a family and survive in this world. I thank God that she neither expected nor wanted to be placed on a pedestal.
A daughter is allowed to be a girl. A wife needs to be a woman. And women don’t live like Princesses. Not the ones I’ve met.
I have always joked that my daughter married her father. She has found a wonderful man, and he is so much like her father he even has the same job and works at the same company as her father did.
I ask their name to write on the 12 ga shell I am holding.
I then tell them. "Respect her, and I won't have to use this."
It is my Christian responsibility to protect my daughters.
I take it very seriously.
If a boy doesn’t have enough respect for himself to put on clothes that fit put his hat on straight and stand up and look me in the eye he can get off my porch
How a boy treats himself will play a lot into how he treats my daughters.
I will threaten any young man that if he hurts my daughter I will make sure he will realize what he has done.
If the young man is respectful himself to my daughter and me and my wife and her sisters we are off to a great start.
My daughters understand this as well. My wife and I have been explaining to them the in’s and out’s of dating for a Looooong time. We know what God wants for our daughters and we know God will honor our prayers for them and thier future SIL.
And I ain’t taking the scythe down either :^))
Fear is a good thing it keeps pants and zippers up.
He’s a good kid. Next time I go shooting I will take him.
Lol. I love your very humble and small oh. It is easy to misread something like that if you are passing through a thread quickly. We have all done it.
I completely agree that it is your responsibility and I commend you for taking it seriously.
I just didn’t think this list was the right way. He seemed to be allowing the young man access to his daughter before he got to know him. In fact, he seemed to have no interest at all in getting to know him. He just wanted to threaten and humiliate him into compliance with his daughter’s every desire.
My husband and I will be interested in getting to know any potential suitors very well and any young man that objects to getting to know us would automatically be crossed off the potential list. Only allowing family or church time in the beginning is a great way to eliminate the riff raff. If they are only out for one thing, it won’t be worth it to them. There are far too many young woman that are willing to give them what they want. Also, some very serious talks with a young man about what you expect from him and your daughter can go a long way to protecting her. That will put the fear of God in him.
When I was young I was very rebellious but I loved my father dearly. He was clear to one of my dates that he expected no drinking. My date took me to a party and when he started drinking, I immediately asked him to take me home. Did I have a problem with drinking? No, I would have done the same thing on another occasion. The jerk disrespected and lied to my father.
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.