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You can"t expect an understaffed and overworked “Imperial and Benevolent Corps of Food Monitors”(IBCFM} to handle all the lunch monitor duties. Therefore “Official Food Monitor Youth Groups”(OFMYG)—newly to be created must be formed under the Department of Homeland Security's Division of “This is What is Best for All Concerned (TIWIBFFAC} to check all brown bags and lunch boxes, and especially anything hidden in somebody’s pockets, and immediately eat the contents to save these children from their irresponsible parents who obviously ignored the possibility of aborting them to begin with,and thus are burdened with children, whose lives are now ruined, and then unconsciencibly turned around and put them in public schools instead of putting them in parochial or private schools, or home schooling, where they could eat what their parents thought best. Since this will be a Department of Homeland Security operation, children will henceforward be required to bring a stool sample daily, still steaming smemmilinly and at a temperature of exactly 98.6 degrees, and still in the underwear in which it was originally deposited, to be tested to establish what they have eaten, all of which will be collected by the Federal School Poopy Police (FSPP), rolled in little balls, and recycled for use in nutrition programs for food for Enemies of the Administration, (EOA)When the youth poop has been tested, , if it doesn't meet das gubmint standards, the parents can anticipate surprise home invasion soon by der Food Gestapos Oberman (dFGO) during which their house will be trashed and looted, their dogs shot, and the children removed and placed in the custody of The Federal and UN Child Protective Service (FUNCPS) consisting of persons who absolutely will not seem to be persons like you and me. Thus protected by a benign and all-knowing gubmint they will live happily ever after, or at least as long as the gubmint can afford them, maybe forty years for the good-looking, the politician, or the Nobel Peace Prize winner.