Top 5
Little Johnny said, 'Because I'm not an Obama fan.'
The teacher asked, 'Why aren't you an Obama fan?'
Johnny said, 'Because I'm a Republican.'
The teacher asked him why he's a Republican.
Little Johnny answered, 'Well, my Mom's a Republican and my Dad's a Republican, so I'm a Republican.'
Annoyed by this answer, the teacher asked, 'If your mom was a moron and your dad was an idiot, what would that make you?'
With a big smile, Little Johnny replied, 'That would make me an Obama fan.
Bada-Bing!
Woohoo!! Friday!
One of "Holder's" people has been spotted.
CATHOLICS ONLY HUMOR
For Catholics only. It must not be divulged to non-Catholics. The less they know about our rituals and top secret code words, the better off they are.
AMEN: The only part of a prayer that everyone knows.
BULLETIN: Your receipt for attending Mass.
CHOIR: A group of people whose singing allows the rest of the Parish to lip-sync.
HOLY WATER: A liquid whose chemical formula is H2OLY.
HYMN: A song of praise usually sung in a key three octaves higher than that of the congregation’s range.
RECESSIONAL HYMN: The last song at Mass often sung a little more quietly, since most of the people have already left.
INCENSE: Holy Smoke!
JESUITS: An order of priests known for their ability to found colleges with good basketball teams.
JONAH: The original ‘Jaws’ story.
JUSTICE: When kids have kids of their own.
KYRIE ELEISON: The only Greek words that most Catholics can recognize besides gyros and baklava. (for you non-Catholics it means Lord have mercy)
MAGI: The most famous trio to attend a baby shower.
MANGER: Where Mary gave birth to Jesus because Joseph wasn’t covered by an HMO. (Bible’s way of showing us that holiday travel has always been rough.)
PEW: A medieval torture device still found in Catholic churches.
PROCESSION: The ceremonial formation at the beginning of Mass consisting of altar servers, the celebrant, and late parishioners looking for seats.
RECESSIONAL: The ceremonial procession at the conclusion of Mass led by parishioners trying to beat the crowd to the parking lot.
RELICS: People who have been going to Mass for so long, they actually know when to sit, kneel, and stand.
TEN COMMANDMENTS: The most important Top Ten list not given by David Letterman.
USHERS: The only people in the parish who don’t know the seating capacity of a pew.
wooooooo hoooooooo top 1000!!!
Closed... Beat it!
Top 50 !
“I have the right to remain silent, I just don’t have the ability.” -Ron “Tater Salad” White
For your reading pleasure
Some Cheech and Chong from the 70s
Hey there swingin guys and girls, got a big date tonight but got a ZIT in the middle of your forehead?
I mean the big juicy kind, the ones that look like a third eye?
Well, if theyve been calling you Cyclops, dont get upset.
Cause now theres new Hickey-Off Pimple Pads
..by BRILLO, HEY!!!!
Hickey-Off doesnt just work on the surface, but goes down and RIPS EM OUT BY THE ROOTS!!!!!
And for those moon-sized craters youll have in your head, theres Hickey-Off Plastic Filler.
Comes complete with a putty knife, sandpaper, and flesh toned paint for all the rough spots.
So get it together with Hickey-Off Pimple Pads and Filler.
Now back to Un-American Bandstand where we have the winner of the name the three songs contest.
And that winner is, from Seconal, NC, Chacta Ortega.
And Chacta correctly identified the three most played songs in the history of the English language as: Auld Lang Syne, Happy Birthday to You, and In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida, HEY!!
So Chacta you win that blind date with Stevie Wonder. Right on!!