You keep telling yourself that, maybe you'll convince yourself it's true.
This world is corrupt, a vale of pain and suffering, of aging, disease and death that was never meant to be part of Creation. We are all subject to sin and death, every last one of us, no matter how pious, no matter how good, no matter what our works or our loves or cares or family or connections. By sin came death and death comes for us all, it's only a matter of when and a matter of how.
Some pass peacefully and they are blessed. Some leave this world screaming in pain and horror. Some are stripped of everything they ever valued and reduced to being completely dependent, while dying a lingering death. There is a means to be victorious over death, but you deny it and would rather regard yourself as some sort of oddly and inexplicably animated meat puppet, but one with morals from some strange source that you can't quite explain, and then turn your nihilist idiocy on it's ear and project it upon those who actually live the moral code you simultaneously ape and yet mock.
There are some behaviors that have earthly consequences and are judged in the here and now. You seem like a relatively sentient being and you seem to have read the scriptures you're now mocking, so I suspect you have at least enough intelligence to understand just what it is, that you're at war with and, somewhere deep down, know you're destined to lose. Make peace with your Creator, repent and believe.
That's what you need to do, while you have time. That's what we all need to do, while we have time.
2.) Anyone with an ounce of intellectual honesty can see that in order to maintain a religious point of view, you have to start at the end of a thought and work backward. You start with "There is an All-Powerful God" and then go through this bizarre and complex flow chart to try and reconcile the random occurances of this world.
Tsunami kills 1,000 - God's will, yes or no? Well let's see... what religion were they?
Man dies of illness - God's will, yes or no? Well, which Old Testament mandates did he violate, sex or diet? Is dying of heart failure God's punishment for eating pork? Yes, if you're Jewish or Muslim, no if you're Christian... unless he was also a jerk. Then yes. But if he was "nice," no, it's just one of those unfortunate things. God let it happen. Or he didn't, you mustn't blame Him (depends on the denomination.)
Most people just give God their own personality. If you ask them whether some tragedy was God's will, they do a quick internal check: What makes sense to ME? If it makes sense to ME it's probably right because God is very much like ME.
Man created God in his own image.