“By analyzing microscopic pits and scratches on hominid teeth, as well as stable isotopes of carbon found in teeth...”
I thought carbon didn’t exist before SUVs?
It didn’t! The carbon from your filthy SUV is even infecting the bones and teeth of people who lived tens of thousands of years before you were born, you corrupt capitalist patriarchal exploiter of the masses! It’s just lucky for you that I happen to have some carbon credits to sell...