Cleaning House
A poem for the Internet Addict...
I asked the Lord to tell me
Why my house is such a mess.
He asked if I’d been ‘puting,
And I had to answer “yes.”
He told me to get off my butt
And tidy up the house.
And so I started cleaning up...
The smudges off my mouse.
I wiped and shined the topside.
That really did the trick...
I was just admiring my work...
I didn’t mean to ‘click.’
But click, I did, and oops I found
A real absorbing site
That I got SO way into...
I was into it all night. (Sigh)
Nothing’s changed except my mouse
It’s very, very shiny.
I guess my house will stay a mess...
While I sit here and surf the Internet
Politically Correct Statements
Your bedroom isn’t cluttered, it’s just “passage restrictive.”
Kids don’t get grounded anymore. They merely hit “social speed bumps.”
You’re not late, you just have a “rescheduled arrival time.”
You’re not having a bad hair day, you’re suffering from “rebellious follicle syndrome.”
No one’s tall anymore. He’s “vertically enhanced.”
You’re not shy. You’re “conversationally selective.”
You don’t talk a lot. You’re just “abundantly verbal.”
It’s not called gossip anymore. It’s “the speedy transmission of near-factual information.”
AND FOR STUDENTS...
The food at the school cafeteria isn’t awful. It’s “digestively challenged.”
No one fails a class anymore, he’s merely “passing impaired.”
You don’t have detention, you’re just one of the “exit delayed.”
These days, a student isn’t lazy. He’s “energetically declined.”
Your locker isn’t overflowing with junk, it’s just “closure prohibitive.”
Your homework isn’t missing, its just having an “out-of-notebook experience.”
You’re not sleeping in class, you’re “rationing consciousness.”
You don’t have smelly gym socks, you have “odor-retentive athletic footwear.”
You weren’t passing notes in class. You were “participating in the discreet exchange of penned meditations.”
You’re not being sent to the principal’s office. You’re “going on a mandatory field trip to the administrative building.”