And it doesn’t strike you as being the least bit condescending to say that she was in your words, “silly” for having a wedding that she obviously cherishes to this day?
If I’ve gotten anything out of this thread is that it’s a more emotional topic than I would have thought beforehand. Two very different schools of thought here, and never the twain shall meet.
I’ve heard of one such example, and I’m proud to say that I know the father in question. Mother and daughter began planning the wedding, when future son-in-law got dollar signs in eyes. He approached her father and told him that he and my friends daughter had decided that they’d rather have the money that my friend had been setting aside for his daughters wedding since she was a child. My friend told him to kiss off, that it wasn’t her money, it was his money and he was going to use it for his daughter’s wedding, hopefully to someone else. Luckily, it was an eye opener for the daughter, and she kicked him and his money grubbing ways to the curb.
Fortunately, no one on here or any site could ever diminish my childhood, wedding, marriage, life. I had wonderful parents who I miss daily. My husband, pita that he is at times, is a great guy. ;) Gotta give the guy credit, he lives with 5 females, and his 4 daughters have him wrapped around their fingers (just like me and my Dad). I’m the bad cop mostly, lol.
Wedding threads on FR always run in the extreme. I could joke about the excess when it comes to weddings, and there are excesses but it aint my money so it ain’t my decision or business.
Weddings are a very emotional topic. You must be a guy :) Whenever the kids and I discuss weddings, or prom, or anything involving money, he always says to them “that’s between your mom and you, I just write the check.” I think he gets off easy, lol.
My parents gave me the option of a formal wedding or the cash (for a down payment on a house). My Mom had been saving and as the only daughter, I had the choice. I wanted a princess wedding (they paid for the reception and back then it was close to 10K. They hosted and paid for the Serenade (it’s a south philly thing...big party the night before the wedding). The groom’s parents are supposed to pay for the rehearsal dinner (my husband’s parents wouldn’t pay for any booze/bar bill).
Anyway, we paid for everthing else: dress, limo, DJ, flowers, church donation, pastor donation, invitations, etc.
I would never slam someone for how they spent their money, or the gift of their parents money.
I’m glad I had the wedding I did. It’s a memory that I cherish. I hope I can give my girls the wedding of their dreams, whatever those dreams are.
Ive already told them, we’re paying room/board for college (the two in college got academic scholarships so we don’t have tuition) and two more to go, lol. Give us a few years on the wedding thing ;)
“...when future son-in-law got dollar signs in eyes.”
I was a future son-in-law 23 years ago. I grew up being a busboy at our Midwest church cleaning up the plates and eating leftover meatballs and potato salad in the church basement reception after weddings. (And memorial services).
I made one comment to my future wife (raised and lived in NJ) about how fancy the wedding was getting to be and was it really needed. She told me “My dad gave us a budget (her mom and her), I’m his only daughter, and this is how we do it in New Jersey”. Looking back I see that it wasn’t a fancy wedding by East Coast standards at all. But to a midwest kid, $38? per guest at the nearby resort/lodge/dining hall was quite a bit much compared to meatballs in the church basement!
My comment about silly was about the whole princess thing some women seem to think is a huge deal. It wasn’t and never has been to me. I’ve always been very self assured of who I am and never felt that need. My comme, she is the one who interjected herself in what I said and made it personal to her.I’m very frugal and that stuff just has never impressed me.That’s all.Over the years I’ve been blessed to become friends with people most would never guess had a dime to their name but come to find out were what is known as “old money” so I guess I’ve picked that attitude up a bit and know that those who make a huge deal out of what they have usually don’t.