Happy Thursday to you all, too! (((hugs)))
Posted on 03/31/2011 9:31:17 PM PDT by JustAmy
Q. If you’re going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be?
A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.
Q. You’ve been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?
A.. Don Knotts: That’s what’s been keeping me awake.
Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.
Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while talking?
A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and I’ll give you a gesture you’ll never forget.
Q. In bowling, what’s a perfect score?
A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.
Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps.. One is politics, what is the other?
A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures.
Q. Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?
A.. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.
Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose do?
A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?
Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?
A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.
Q. According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?
A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.
Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?
A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.
Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?
A. Charley Weaver: His feet.
Q.. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed?
A. Paul Lynde: Point and laugh.
WE DON’T STOP LAUGHING BECAUSE WE GROW OLD,
WE GROW OLD BECAUSE WE STOP LAUGHING
Enjoy
WORK VIRUS
There is a new virus going around, called “work”. If you receive any sort of “work” at all, whether via email, internet or simply handed to you by a colleague...DO NOT OPEN IT.
Work has been circulating around our building for months and those who have been tempted to open “work” or even look at “work” have found that their social life is deleted and their brain ceases to function properly.
If you do encounter “work” via email or are faced with any “work” at all, to purge the virus, send an email to your boss with the words “Sorry...I’m off to Home Depot.” The “work” should then be automatically deleted from your brain.
If you receive “work” in paper-document form, simply lift the document and drag the “work” to your garbage can. Put on your coat and skip to the nearest cafe with two friends and order three double chocolate espressos. After repeating this action 10 times, you will find that “work” will no longer be of any relevance to you.
Send this message to everyone in your address book. If you do not have anyone in your address book, then I’m afraid the “work” virus has already corrupted your life.
Easter Bible Verses
John 11:25-26
Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies; and whoever lives and believes in me will never die. (NIV)
Romans 1:4-5
And Jesus Christ our Lord was shown to be the Son of God when God powerfully raised him from the dead by means of the Holy Spirit. Through Christ, God has given us the privilege and authority to tell Gentiles everywhere what God has done for them, so that they will believe and obey him, bringing glory to his name. (NLT)
Romans 6:8-11
Now if we died with Christ, we believe that we will also live with him. For we know that since Christ was raised from the dead, he cannot die again; death no longer has mastery over him. The death he died, he died to sin once for all; but the life he lives, he lives to God. In the same way, count yourselves dead to sin but alive to God in Christ Jesus. (NIV)
Philippians 3:10-12
I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead. Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. (NIV)
1 Peter 1:3
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead... (NIV)
Matthew 27:50-53
And when Jesus had cried out again in a loud voice, he gave up his spirit. At that moment the curtain of the temple was torn in two from top to bottom. The earth shook and the rocks split. The tombs broke open and the bodies of many holy people who had died were raised to life. They came out of the tombs, and after Jesus’ resurrection they went into the holy city and appeared to many people.(NIV)
Matthew 28:1-10
After the Sabbath, at dawn on the first day of the week, Mary Magdalene and the other Mary went to look at the tomb. There was a violent earthquake, for an angel of the Lord came down from heaven and, going to the tomb, rolled back the stone and sat on it. His appearance was like lightning, and his clothes were white as snow. The guards were so afraid of him that they shook and became like dead men.
The angel said to the women, “Do not be afraid, for I know that you are looking for Jesus, who was crucified. He is not here; he has risen, just as he said. Come and see the place where he lay. Then go quickly and tell his disciples: ‘He has risen from the dead and is going ahead of you into Galilee. There you will see him.’ Now I have told you.”
So the women hurried away from the tomb, afraid yet filled with joy, and ran to tell his disciples. Suddenly Jesus met them. “Greetings,” he said. They came to him, clasped his feet and worshiped him. Then Jesus said to them, “Do not be afraid. Go and tell my brothers to go to Galilee; there they will see me.” (NIV)
Mark 16:1-8
When the Sabbath was over, Mary Magdalene, Mary the mother of James, and Salome bought spices so that they might go to anoint Jesus’ body. Very early on the first day of the week, just after sunrise, they were on their way to the tomb and they asked each other, “Who will roll the stone away from the entrance of the tomb?”
But when they looked up, they saw that the stone, which was very large, had been rolled away. As they entered the tomb, they saw a young man dressed in a white robe sitting on the right side, and they were alarmed.
“Don’t be alarmed,” he said. “You are looking for Jesus the Nazarene, who was crucified. He has risen! He is not here. See the place where they laid him. But go, tell his disciples and Peter, ‘He is going ahead of you into Galilee. There you will see him, just as he told you.’ “
Trembling and bewildered, the women went out and fled from the tomb. They said nothing to anyone, because they were afraid. (NIV)
God’s Plan of Salvation
Becoming a Christian is the most important decision you can make. This
decision does not only determine where you will spend eternity, but it
will determine every aspect of your life..
All People Have Sinned Against God
The Bible says, “All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God”
(Romans 3:23). The word sin means to miss a target by falling short of
that target. Sin is the failure of a person to live the life which God
has planned for him to live. Everyone has sinned, it is universal.
The Price of Sin Is High
The Bible says, “the wages of sin is death; but the gift of God is
eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.” (Romans 6:23). The person
who lives without God in this life will pay the awful price of an
eternity separated from God. The Bible calls this place of separation
hell. Hell was never meant to be the eternal home of mankind, but God
could not allow rebellious people to enter into heaven. Heaven is the
eternal dwelling of God’s people, and it is a place where God lives in
perfect harmony with His people.
God Loves us in Spite of Our Sin
The Bible says, “But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while
we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.” (Romans 5:8).
Because of the righteousness of God, man must pay the penalty for sin,
or someone who is acceptable to God must pay the penalty. The death of
Jesus is the greatest demonstration of the love of God for sinners. It
is a great love for someone to die in place of a loved one. But Jesus
died for those in rebellion.
Repent, Turn Toward God, and Have Your Sins Completely Taken Away
The Bible says, “Repent ye therefore, and be converted, that your sins
may be blotted out, when the times of refreshing shall come from the
presence of the Lord;” (Acts 3:19). The word repent means to turn around
and go in a different direction. It means a change of mind and life
toward God. If you are willing to turn to God, then God will restore you
to childhood purity. Jesus described this experience as the “new birth.”
Your part is to confess your sin, and God’s part is to forgive and
restore.
By Grace You Receive His Free Gift (Eternal Life) Through Faith Which is Also from God
The Bible says, “For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not
of yourselves: it is the gift of God.” (Ephesians 2:8). The word grace
refers to the kindness and love of God in His willingness to forgive and
save. Faith means to trust to a point of commitment. You cannot just
believe in God. You must be willing to give your life to God’s teachings
and God’s will. Salvation is God’s gift if you will receive it with a
commitment to turn and follow Jesus.
Confess Jesus and Believe That He Was Raised from the Dead by God
The Bible says, “That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord
Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from
the dead, thou shalt be saved.” (Romans 10:9). The word confess means to
acknowledge to God that Jesus is Savior and Lord, to believe with all
your heart that Jesus died on the cross for you and came out of the
grave, and to believe that He is alive and will change your life as you follow
and obey His teachings.
Pray to the Lord and Be Saved:
The Bible says, “For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord
shall be saved.” (Romans 10:13). Whoever means anyone can ask God for
forgiveness of sin and turn from sin and follow Jesus.
Pray this simple prayer and mean it and you will be saved
“Lord Jesus, I know I am a sinner and need Your forgiveness. I know You
died on the cross for me. I now turn from my sins and ask You to forgive me.
I invite You into my heart and life. I trust You as Savior and will follow
You as Lord. Thank You for saving me. Amen.”
If you prayed this prayer to receive Jesus Christ as your Savior, would
you email me and tell me? I care about you.
This prayer of faith begins you on the greatest journey one can ever
make. You need to contact a local Bible believing church and tell them
of your decision. They will instruct you on baptism and church
membership.
Faith in Jesus Christ makes the difference between despair and hope.
“For God so loved the world,
that he gave his only begotten Son,
that whosoever believeth in him should not perish,
but have everlasting life.”
(John 3:16)
God doesn’t call the qualified,
He qualifies the called.
Sooner or later we all feel the painful effects of sin. Sometimes it’s the weight of our own sin and the shame and embarrassment of having failed miserably. At other times, it’s the load of someone else’s sin that weighs us down—someone who betrayed, deceived, abandoned, ridiculed, cheated, or made a fool of us.
Think about a time when the weight of that guilt or pain was so heavy that you couldn’t pull yourself out of bed. Now try to imagine the heaviness of the combined grief that everyone’s sin has caused your family, your church, your neighborhood. Add to that all the suffering sin has caused everyone in your city, state, nation, and the world. Now try to imagine the accumulated grief that sin has caused throughout the centuries since creation.
Is it any wonder that the weight of all this sin began squeezing the life out of Jesus on the night He was called to bear it? (Matt. 26:36-44). The next day, even His beloved Father would forsake Him. No other suffering can compare.
Sin put Jesus to the ultimate test. But His love endured it, His strength bore it, and His power overcame it. Thanks to Jesus’ death and resurrection, we know beyond a doubt that sin will not and cannot win.
Read: Hebrews 2:10-18
I’m too tired to do breakfast today, but here is a little food for thought.
On The Path
As the dawn breaks soft upon the horizon, I wake
and start the day, wondering what path I’ll take
Into places unseen and new, or familiar haunts I know
and so the first decision sets my day and where I go
My mind is alive to the new day and the scope therein
for I will see the unfolding hidden so soft within
Join me, and come along to see the path of this day
and we can share the moments alive, each in his own way
A very nice one.
Kindness Always Pays
All it took was a little positive thinking for one man to turn these angry dogs into his new best friends.
By Gloria Cassity Stargel
The day our younger son Rick left home for the Marine Corps was a heart-wrenching one for me. Beside the fact that I just hate good-byes, this was my “baby” going off to become a fighting man. I couldn’t help worrying that military training would destroy Rick’s loving, compassionate spirit. Dear Lord, make him tough, if necessary. But, please, Lord, I prayed, keep him tender. Now who but a mother would make a request like that?
Rick endured the rigors of basic training and Officer Candidate School. Then, after advanced instruction, he was assigned to the Marine Corps Air Station in Cherry Point, North Carolina. There—seeking a little off-duty peace and quiet of his own—he rented a small house out in the country. Always athletic, he looked forward to the solitude of his daily six-mile run along picturesque fields and meadows.
A problem developed, though. It seems that on each farm there were several large dogs. They didn’t take too kindly to this strange intruder racing through their territories. Every day, by the time Rick made it back to his house, he was tripping over a whole pack of yelping dogs, most of them snarling at his heels. It was not the tranquil time he had envisioned. Hoping to discourage the attackers, he tried kicking, swinging a stick, yelling. Nothing worked.
One day, Rick phoned home. “Mother,” he began, “you know those dogs that have been making my life miserable? Well, I remembered you taught us that ‘kindness always pays.’ So I decided to give it a try.”
“What did you do?” I asked.
“Yesterday, as I ran,” he said, “when my patience had been pushed to the limit, I just stopped in my tracks, whirled around to face them, stooped down on one knee, and talked to them in my best ‘pet-talk’ voice. And you know what?” Rick’s voice was smiling now. “Those dogs started wagging their tails and kissing me on the face, each trying to get closer than the other.”
“What happened today when you ran?” I wanted to know.
“You wouldn’t believe the difference,” Rick said. “It was so peaceful! Passing one farm after the other, the whole crowd fell in and ran as usual. But this time they ran with me—not against me. I must have looked like the Pied Piper by the time we got back to my house.” I smiled into the phone, picturing my young, still-sensitive son. For Rick had solved his problem. And God had answered a mother’s prayer.
Thanks, Stop by my table, I have extra cinnamon rolls and coffee.
going tonight to a Seder Passover celebration from my Messianic Jewish congregation. For those who aren't familiar with it.. Conservative CHRISTIAN congregation with most of participants Jewish converts. Lively music, dancing, Torah, and our rabbi is the BEST christian pulpit man I have been honored to hear.
The messages are the gospel, baptism by immersion, power of the holy spirit & a wonderful knowledge and presentation of the "old testament" in the mix. All are welcome but the main evangelistic thrust is to the Jewish community
Have not gone to any other city congreations so do not know how they would compare. Ours is a breath of fresh air
Pictured above is my friend Chris Tezelrow (RIP) who played Christ in the powerful passion play/musical Compassion.
AMEN! AMEN! AMEN!
THX THX.
God gave his only Son to lift us, bring us to Him
We need to remember that, and pass it on, We are Saved
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Little is mentioned regarding his own brothers after Goliath. Guess they were not of importance. The LORD God promised him his seed would sit on the throne in His Kingdom.
Praise God. He has made a way for us to be with him forever.. Amen.
He gives hope for flawed men who love God.
Samuel 7:18-29 (King James Version)
“18,Then went king David in, and sat before the LORD, and he said, Who am I, O Lord GOD? and what is my house, that thou hast brought me hitherto?
19,And this was yet a small thing in thy sight, O Lord GOD; but thou hast spoken also of thy servant's house for a great while to come. And is this the manner of man, O Lord GOD?
20,And what can David say more unto thee? for thou, Lord GOD, knowest thy servant.
21,For thy word's sake, and according to thine own heart, hast thou done all these great things, to make thy servant know them.
22,Wherefore thou art great, O LORD God: for there is none like thee, neither is there any God beside thee, according to all that we have heard with our ears.
23,And what one nation in the earth is like thy people, even like Israel, whom God went to redeem for a people to himself, and to make him a name, and to do for you great things and terrible, for thy land, before thy people, which thou redeemedst to thee from Egypt, from the nations and their gods?
24,For thou hast confirmed to thyself thy people Israel to be a people unto thee for ever: and thou, LORD, art become their God.
25,And now, O LORD God, the word that thou hast spoken concerning thy servant, and concerning his house, establish it for ever, and do as thou hast said.
26,And let thy name be magnified for ever, saying, The LORD of hosts is the God over Israel: and let the house of thy servant David be established before thee.
27,For thou, O LORD of hosts, God of Israel, hast revealed to thy servant, saying, I will build thee an house: therefore hath thy servant found in his heart to pray this prayer unto thee.
28,And now, O Lord GOD, thou art that God, and thy words be true, and thou hast promised this goodness unto thy servant:
29,Therefore now let it please thee to bless the house of thy servant, that it may continue for ever before thee: for thou, O Lord GOD, hast spoken it: and with thy blessing let the house of thy servant be blessed for ever.”
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AMEN!
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