[Dubya]

Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says: ‘Slim, I’m 83 years old now and I’m just full of aches and pains. I know you’re about my age. How do you feel?’

Slim says, ‘I feel just like a newborn baby.’

‘Really!? Like a newborn baby!?’

‘Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.’

[Dubya]

This morning I went to sign my dogs up for welfare.
At first the lady said, "Dogs are not eligible to draw welfare." So I explained to her that my dogs are mixed in color, unemployed, can't speak English and have no clue who their Daddy's are. They expect me to feed them, provide them with housing and medical care.

So she looked in her policy book to see what it takes to qualify.

My dogs get their first checks on Friday.

Damn, this is a great country!