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To: Diver Dave

That is a lot of shaking. LOL


152 posted on 03/01/2011 5:59:39 PM PST by Dubya (JESUS SAVES)
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To: All

Rule of life: Be happy

1. You need only two tools. WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn’t move and it should, use WD-40. If it moves and shouldn’t, use the tape.

2. The five most essential words for a healthy, vital relationship: “I apologize” and “You are right.”

3. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

4. When you make a mistake, make amends immediately. It’s easier to eat crow while it’s still warm.

5. The only really good advice that your mother ever gave you was, “Go! You might meet somebody!”

6. If he/she says that you are too good for him/her. . . believe them.

7. Learn to pick your battles; ask yourself, ‘Will this matter one year from now? How about one month? One week? One day?’

8. Never pass up an opportunity to pee.

9. If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You have another chance!

10. Living well really is the best revenge. Being miserable because of a bad or former relationship just might mean that the other person was right about you.

11. Work is good, but it’s not that important.

12. And finally... Be really nice to your friends and family. You never know when you are going to need them to empty your bedpan.


154 posted on 03/01/2011 6:01:37 PM PST by Dubya (JESUS SAVES)
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To: All

The efficiency expert concluded his lecture with a note of caution.

“You don’t want to try these techniques at home.”

“Why not?” asked someone from the back of the audience.

“I watched my wife’s routine at breakfast for years,” the expert explained. “She made lots of trips to the refrigerator, stove, table and cabinets, often carrying just a single item at a time. ‘Hon,’ I suggested, ‘Why don’t you try carrying several things at once?’”

The voice from the back asked, “Did it save time?”

The expert replied, “Actually, yes. It used to take her 20 minutes to get breakfast ready. Now I do it in seven.”


158 posted on 03/01/2011 6:09:30 PM PST by Dubya (JESUS SAVES)
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