Posted on 02/26/2011 1:38:34 PM PST by Squawk 8888
I’m not the wiener peeler, I’m the wiener peeler’s son, And I’m only peeling wieners, ‘Til the wiener peeler comes.
I apologize to pheasant pluckers’ sons everywhere for stealing their tongue-twister.
But who can resist when my Internet fairy, Irene, drops this job ad on my desk? “Get out your resume,” she purrs.
I pause in processing Moonlight Lady submissions, and take a boo.
“Full-time Wiener Peeler,” says the ad.
Wazzat? I ask. A red-hot stripper?
“No. As in weenie. It’s got you written all over it, ” says Irene, and she flutters off.
Well, I’m getting sick of grinding out daily columns like hamburger. So I read on.
“Opportunity. Excitement. Teamwork. Respect.
“At Maple Leaf Foods we are committed to attracting, rewarding and retaining talented people who are passionate about making a positive impact in their professional and personal lives every day.”
A noble mission. What better way to pursue it than as a bona fide full-time professional wiener peeler. The opening is at Maple Leafs’ hotdog plant in Hamilton.
Imagine the awe when you tell fellow partiers your occupation.
Picture the lineup of schools recruiting for career days.
The teachers may giggle, but the kids will scream for free samples.
You’re on Price Is Right and Drew Carey says, “What d’ya do for a living up in Canada, Mikey?”
I peel wieners, Drew.
“Good for you. Wiener peeler. Hmmm. reminds me, folks, get your pets spayed or neutered.”
Anyway, I check around and find yet another job opening at Maple Leaf. Wiener stuffer. Hit it ...
I’m not the wiener stuffer
I’m the wiener stuffer’s son
I’m only stuffing ...
(Ed. note: Stop that, you hotdogger, or we’ll make you pose for a picture like Gilles Duceppe in the silly hairnet.)
NO! Not that! I’ll do anything, boss.
The photo of Duceppe in a cheese factory was a body blow to the Bloc. He looked like a weenie. Un chien chaud. Un hotdog.
I wonder. How do wiener peelers and stuffers look? All dressed?
I call Linda Smith at Maple Leaf Foods and ask: What company wit came up with those job titles?
“They’re in the union contract,” she says. “They’re really a kind of food-processing operator.”
So machines do the actual stuffing and peeling. Thank God. I can’t imagine sitting there all day, fingers numb, going, “hundred thousand and one weenies, hundred thousand and two weenies, hundred thousand and ...”
The wiener stuffer fills the tubular collagen casings with hot dog sludge. Since you asked, the ooze typically comprises mechanically separated chicken, pork, beef, water, wheat gluten, salt, sodium phosphate, spice, dextrose, corn syrup solids, sodium erythorbate, garlic powder, onion powder, sodium nitrite and smoke.
If you need to ask what mechanically separated chicken is, don’t.
Or go eat a veggie burger.
Once the dogs have been divided and smoked and solidified, the wiener peeler removes the casings.
The stuffer and peeler look like hazmat officials or Apollo astronauts.
They wear blue rubber and plastic head to toe, with hairnet, hardhats and mask. Plus earmuffs. Yes. All those dogs barking.
The hirings, says Smith, are to gear up for summer, when 60% of wieners are sold.
What a great job, eh?
I assume you get to take home any bent, twisted or otherwise defective wieners.
And you’d be in the pantheon of careers with chicken sexer, pet food tester, bounty hunter, odor reader, fortune cookie writer, golf ball diver and newspaper hack.
Plus, you’re wrapped in a soft, warm union. The Brotherhood of Bun Fillers (BBF), or whatever it’s called.
I can picture the negotiations:
“We want a raise, a longer lunch, three weeks holiday, dental coverage and pension improvements.
“But hold the mustard.”
Morning! On board a very full flight to atlanta.way too early
Morning! On board a very full flight to atlanta.way too early
I like chik-n two!
Good morning.
Good morning! It’s damp and chilly here.
Good morning! It’s damp and chilly here.
Wet and rainy here. It’s not supposed to get up to 60 today, and rain is forecast for the next three days. *sigh* Whenever it lets up, I have to go drag in the tubs.
At least it’s not drought.
With any luck, the drought is over with for a few years. We need the rain and snow. Three inches of snow is expected on Mt. Charleston before this storm is over. Who knows? It could be more than that.
Hi Sis.
Did it get warmer yet?
Re: Mom
Her hip has healed, but it’s been really hard on her body in other ways. Her sight has become much worse, and so she probably won’t be able to drive again.
I’m trying to talk her into moving here, but she is resisting. Sad thing is, her mind is fine, but her body is giving out, and she is very frustrated.
Oh no!
How old is Betty? Is she Mom, or Mom-in-law?
(Going through this with Mom, as you know)
Betty is my mother-in-law, and she’s about 70.
If she’s in good health otherwise, she is young enough to recover just fine.
I’ll pray for it.
Snow on all the mountains around us this morning. It was raining when I got up (4:30) and is windy now, and cold. I had to go out and pick up my papers from the doctor this morning, and it was ugly to drive.
Rain is expected for the next few days.
*shiver*
I understand about your mom. She’s welcome to the club! I keep wondering why my body doesn’t agree with my mind when it comes to doing things.
How is Betty doing, now?
Sorry I missed you! Safe journey!
Try a snail to clean the tank. The betta won’t bother that. Normally, they don’t bother other fish, as long as it’s not another male betta. You could even put a female betta in with him.
DP talked to her briefly on Saturday, but she was on a lot of painkillers and couldn’t talk much. He’s supposed to get specific information from his brother, so we can send her flowers.
Yep. First day of spring, and it’s snowing here too.
Is his brother close enough to be with her?
Add one female and wait for a billion baby Betas.
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