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THINGS I LEARNED FROM LIVING IN TEXAS Armadillos sleep in the middle of the road with their feet in the air. There are 5,000 types of snakes on earth and 4,998 live in Texas. There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 live in Texas , plus a couple no one's seen before. If it grows, it sticks; if it crawls, it bites. 'Twiced' is a word. People actually grow and eat okra. 'Fixinto' is one word. There is no such thing as 'lunch.' There is only dinner and then supper. Iced tea is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking it when you're two. We do like a little tea with our sugar! 'Backwards and forwards' means I know everything about you! Djeet is actually a phrase meaning 'Did you eat?' All y'all is plural meaning everybody You don't have to wear a watch because it doesn't matter what time it is. You work until you're done or it's too dark to see. You don't PUSH buttons, you MASH them. You measure distance in hours. Like its 5 hours from Houston to Dallas. You'll probably have to switch from 'heat' to 'A/C' in the same day. 'Fix' is a verb. Example: 'I'm fixin' to go to the store.' You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked. Yes, Friday night high school football games is serious football! You carry jumper cables in your car� for your OWN car. There are only four spices: salt, pepper, Tabasco and ketchup. The local papers cover national and international news on one page, but require 6 pages for local gossip and sports. 100 degrees Fahrenheit is 'a little warm.' We have four seasons: Almost Summer, Summer, still Summer, and Christmas. Going to Wal-mart is a favorite past time known as “goin' to Wally-World.” A cool snap (below 70 degrees) is good pinto-bean or chili weather. A carbonated soft drink isn't a soda, cola or pop it's a Coke, regardless of brand or flavor. Example: 'What kind a coke you want?' Fried catfish is the other white meat. We don't need no stinking driver's ed� if our mama says we can drive, we can drive. If you understand these jokes please forward them to your friends from Texas (and those who just wish they were). EVERYONE can't be from Texas. You might say it's a gift from God!